


Pretty Little Thing

by CallMeHopeless (IAmNotBread)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Claiming Bites, Drowning, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Graphic Descriptions of Suffering, Just Ocean Things, Just generally very soft and loving, Kylo Is Great, Little Mermaid Elements, MerMay, MerMay 2018, Mermaid Makeout, Mermaid kylo ren, Sexual Tension, Shakespearean Elements, Suck my mermaids, To Be Continued, Wholesome, a dash of darkness, and endless swoonage, but also very hot and saucy, dun dun duuun, mermaid au, mermaid!au, merman, modern!AU, sepsis, with a pinch of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-05-06 05:46:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotBread/pseuds/CallMeHopeless
Summary: Kylo would rather humans left him be. But when a shipwreck forces him to save the life of a drowning girl, he knows nothing will be the same.





	1. Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> When I found out MerMay was on, I lost it. I've been obsessed with mermaids ever since I was a kid, so this is basically my opportunity to blend my two major passions. Of course, I'd be absolutely remiss without letting everyone know this fic was inspired by the many works already available on this crossover; my favourites being Sable Et Mer by CoupDeFoudRey and Seafoam Sensitivities by the wonderful Prettycallous. Check them out, because they're absolutely wonderful.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy my addition to MerMay!
> 
> (Gorgeous art by constellationsinmytea.tumblr.com - she's incredibly talented and such a sweetheart.

Against the inky-black backdrop of the starred sky: he saw her.

The boat had crumbled in on itself; metal hull leaking bubbles as it tumbled through the ocean. He dodged the scrappy boat, tail fin pushing him through the water with ease. He hated these human contraptions: ridiculous husks of air that floated on the surface. What was the point in it all? 

But as he saw the figure twirling down toward the murky depth, he felt a tinge of pity. They were frail things. Little, pale bodies that had no self-preservation instinct whatsoever. He wondered whether she'd make an easy meal, now. Times had been hard for him, and food was food. He didn't take any pleasure from eating humans; their flesh was gravelly, sweet. Too rich and fatty for his liking. But he'd take what he could get, and he wouldn't pass up on a quick meal. He swerved forward, blowing bubbles from his mouth in apprehension. 

She was a pretty thing. Strange baubles decorating her chest, weavings in the place her tail ought to be. Humans were strange like that: all those scraps of foreign material covering their skin. Kylo often wondered as to the purpose of it. Was it to protect their fragile bodies? It didn't do an excellent job. Her hair was silky in the water; he pushed it through his fingertips. It was soft, mixed with the salt water. It was a shame she had no gills, no tail: she would have been an enviable mate in Court. He could feel the warmth from her skin, and paused. Were humans warm, even in death? The ones he'd tasted had never been warm. 

He passed his hand over her face, grasping at her cheek. He'd rather not have to kill her. He took no pleasure in that.

But her lashes fluttered, and he hissed in shock. He backed away, fins splayed. No, this human was not at all dead. And that posed...a conflict.

Humans couldn't breathe in the water: that much he knew. They were weak and strange; with no gills to help their struggle. In moments, she would die; choking on the sea water filling up her chest. He could wait until that happened, and then she'd be a good meal. But...could he bring himself to do that? To such a pretty little thing? Watch the life slip out of her grasp in such a manner? He wasn't sure he could. No, he wasn't sure he could at all.

He rasped bubbles at his stupid compassion. His father would have scolded him for such a ridiculous notion; saving a human. But he was not his father, and that was that. 

He hooked his arm around the girl's waist, pulling her close to his chest. Yes, he could feel her heartbeat now, and he salivated. What a waste of a good meal. He pushed his tail against the current, webbed fingers sliding through the water as he made haste to the surface. Land was close by, and he could easily be done with this in a matter of moments. Her fabrics tickled his skin, and he frowned. What good were they if they couldn't save her weak body from drowning?

The tide pulled at his tail as he reached the beach, breaking the water at some speed. Oh, Neptune, how he hated land. His gills ached in protest as the air whistled through his nostrils, forcing his lungs to try to compensate. They were barely used, and his chest heaved at the sudden shock. Air stung his cheeks, hair limp on his neck. He threw the girl against the sand unceremoniously; the sound of her body hitting the beach strange in his ears. Her eyes were closed, hair now slung over her lips and forehead. In the starlight, she looked even more beautiful: delicate hands pushed against the murky sand.

"Are you alive?" he tried to ask. But no; instead he sputtered salt water, dripping down his chin, rasping at the words. They hit his ears in a hiss; sounding frustratingly foreign. 

The girl did nothing, and he started to feel a turning dread in his stomach. He pushed himself forward, now feeling his tail brush against the sand. Neptune, it was incredibly painful. He gritted his teeth, his upper body now completely beholden to the air. The girl's limp form stretched out before him, and he gave her a shove with his arms. She did nothing; her body like a piece of kelp in the current.

She should be breathing. That's what humans did above the water, right? Their lungs made them breathe. But this human wasn't breathing: not even a little. She was just...there. So something must have happened to her. Wait; was there too much water in her lungs? Could humans filter out the water like he could?

His eyes widened, and he balled his hand into a fist. His sharp nails dug into his palm, and he blew air from his nose in frustration, tossing his tail fin about in the lapping waves. She had better start breathing, with all of the effort he was putting in. Suddenly, he brought his fist down onto her chest, hearing the dull thud as it collided with the place he hoped lungs were.

Nothing happened, and he cursed internally.

This time; he threw his fist down onto her as though it might otherwise break her ribs.

And to his joy and surprise; the human spluttered, salt water forcing itself out of her lips and onto the sand. Her eyelids fluttered wildly, and he hissed in shock, trying to recoil back into the water. But he wasn't fast enough, and the sand rubbed against his scales in such a way that he actively whimpered from the pain. They would be bloody for days, now. Everyone would know he had been on land; and he'd never hear the end of it.

The girl lolloped about, flailing as she tried to get her bearings. She had such wonderful eyes: bright and very much alive. He couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself, even through the pain biting at his tail. She blinked several times, her eyes falling on his torso as she panted, seawater still trying to exit her body. Kylo was in a state somewhere between awe and terror; he was at her mercy, here. In too much pain to keep pushing himself, but not enough to cloud his sense of vulnerability.

Here. In front of a human. A live, real human. It was insanity.

He watched her brow furrow; and then, all at once, she scrambled backward.

"What the fuck?!" she growled, her eyes as wide as could be. She looked positively terrified; absolutely disbelieving of what she was seeing. That made two of them. He snorted out a laugh; which left his lips as a raspy bark.

"Jesus, you're...what is going on? Am I hallucinating?"

Kylo wasn't sure he understood half of what she was saying. But her voice...Neptune, it was beautiful. Truly. It sounded like a song, all wispy and gentle, strange inflections. But he wasn't here to be enraptured by this creature: he needed to get away. The tide surged forward just in time, and he pushed himself back into it, letting his body be submerged by the waves. Oh, the salt water around his torso was so soothing. His broken scales were thankful for the current, now passing over them and starting the healing process. It stung, but it was a good sting. His shoulders stayed above the waves; eyes peering at the girl with a cautious curiosity.

"You...you saved me. My boat sank, and you...you pulled me to the shore. But you can't be real. You can't be".

Well...he was. He was real as real could be. He tipped his head slightly, trying to get a better look at her. Yes, she was definitely pretty. Too pretty to be a human, really. Humans were brutish things; and she was everything smooth. She stumbled on her fins, sand sticking to her fabrics as she wobbled to be upright. It was fascinating; how they did that. Ridiculous, really. Humans were ridiculous.

She moved toward him; and he flinched away, submerging up to his eyes. His tail thrashed in the waves; every instinct crying to return to the safety of the ocean floor. His gills began filtering water again, and he took the deepest breath. Ah, that was better.

"You're...You're a..."

He would've rolled his eyes, if he hadn't found the curve of her lips so frighteningly curious. He wanted to touch them; to feel them under his fingertips. He cursed that he hadn't taken that opportunity when she was adrift at sea. He wanted to finish her sentence for her; and he did. He could feel the words leaving his mouth in the right order; but to his ears, they were jumbled, garbled messes of whistles and hisses. She seemed alarmed at that, but continued to stare down at his tail.

"You have a tail. An actual fish tail. I must be losing it".

He regarded his tail, drifting through the waves. He was proud of it, honestly. Almost black as ink, but littered with silvers and deep reds. Intricate thing that it was; it attracted him such attention from the mermaids he had come to know. Most had tails of lighter, more iridescent hues: but not him. He was quite the outlier. 

"It's...you're beautiful", she cooed. 

 _Oh._ Warmth pooled at his cheeks, and he felt his face flush with colour. He had no inkling of how she was doing this; making him blush with such simple words. He seldom cared for flattery; but from her, he felt he could listen forever. She seemed to notice his spreading blush, because her brow cocked, and she looked at him inquisitively.

"You can understand me, can't you?"

He said nothing, but nodded slowly. She had him at a disadvantage, here.

"Woah. There's...I mean, people are gonna think I've gone nutty. I'm not convinced I haven't. Grandma is going to flip her lid when I tell her I wrecked the boat..."

He still wasn't really sure what she was harping on about. But he hoped he'd harp on about it more. That she'd never stop talking.

"I've got...SO many questions. I mean, just...too many. I don't even know where to start. I...", she paused, biting her lip "you're bleeding, I think".

Kylo looked down at his tail, and yes, he was bleeding. Some of his scales had come loose on the sand. He cursed, rasping as she watched him in awe. He reached down to touch one of the dislodged scales; it hurt bitterly, and he despaired. It wasn't considered very...very courtly, to have such shabby scales. He would have to hide away for some time to escape his burgeoning shame.

"Is there anything I can do? Can I help you bandage the wound, or-"

She reached a hand into the water, fingertips stroking at his scales. He involuntarily thrashed, hissing in warning. She staggered back, fear plain on her face as he bared his sharp teeth, letting her know to keep her distance. Humans were dangerous opportunists; he couldn't risk her wandering fingers prying at his scales.

But oh, oh no. She looked terrified, and regret pinched at his mind. He didn't want that; not at all. She seemed so gentle, so sweet. A pretty, scared little thing. He wasn't sure how to articulate his apology; the words refusing to be heard above the water. So instead, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of water as his full lips crinkled into an apologetic smile. He offered his hand to her, splaying his fingers to let her take a look at the webbing between them. Surely this would sate her curiosity some?

She seemed to understand the gesture, shuffling to kneel at the shore. Her lower body was constantly lapped at by the waves, and Kylo was absolutely trying his best not to indulge his curiosity at her lack of a tail. Rather, he kept his honey eyes on hers; letting her carefully trace her fingers around his.

He shuddered at the contact; the strange warmth of her hand radiating through his bones. She pushed at the webbing between his fingers with nimble curiosity; and he tried to stifle the moan that racked his body. This contact...it wasn't commonplace, where he was from. His people had sensitive skin; every inch made to radiate pleasure and pain from the simplest gestures. He had barely ever been touched; barely ever felt skin on his own. So to feel it now, from the warm, gentle caress of a human: Neptune, it was too much. He could hardly breathe; his blood was dangerously electrified. He wanted her to always touch him like this, to always look at him with warmth and curiosity.

And he'd barely known her for a few moments. He was weak. So, so weak.

"This is incredible. And it helps you swim? That's so cool. Honestly. Ridiculously cool."

Kylo's mind was an utter mess. She traced her fingers into the curve of his palm, and his mouth ran away with him.

 _"Oh, fuck. That's...how are you doing that?"_ he babbled, rasping in his ears.

"Is that how you talk?"

No, it wasn't how he talked. He was cursed by these stupid lungs; too weak to form proper words above the water. He knew it was a skill he could learn; but he'd never really had the desire to. He cursed himself for it, now. He wished he had taken the time to figure it out.

She whipped around, hair sticking to her cheek from the salt water. In the distance, Kylo saw strange lights. Like stars, but closer, shining too brightly down to where she knelt. Strange sounds of rustling some ways off; voices of other humans calling out. Calling out to her. He heard a name, repeated over and over, and assumed it must be hers. A name so beautiful could only belong to her, after all.

But on hearing the voices, Kylo retracted his hand. The spell of the moment was broken, and fear pinched at his mind.

"It's okay; you can go. If you want...I'll come back tomorrow. I'll bring food. My way of saying thanks."

Yes. He would very much like that. Very much like to meet the girl with the beautiful voice and soft hands again. Too much. He crinkles his eyes in a smile, and throws himself below the waves, his tail thrashing with the current as he moved to the safety of the deep.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he'd see his human again.

He was very glad he hadn't decided to eat her, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	2. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he was wrong about humans, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The responses to my fic have been overwhelmingly adorable! I'm so happy :3
> 
> Beautiful art for this chapter by [AbstractTragedy!](http://abstracttragedy.tumblr.com/)  
> 

As the sunlight glimmered down; Kylo drifted with the current, slowly moving forward as the water played at his gills.

It was a lovely day. The currents were warm against his tail, his fins splayed to catch them as they moved this way and that. He had woken from his broken sleep renewed with energy, with purpose. He had avoided being seen by anyone in the early light, scales a little out of place; cheeks still rosy from his trip to the surface. As it were: his mother was obsessive regarding the coming mating season in Court, and he couldn't be dealing with her. He was mature, an adult, a man of his own right. But mothers? They fretted. His in particular.

He shifted to avoid a passing turtle; it flitted by with little worry at his presence. He was of no threat to something so...crunchy. Bleurgh. Turtles were by no means fit to be eaten, by him nor anyone. Their bony shells made for terrible meals, their limbs too spiny to chew. The idea of it made him feel a little sick; so he pushed at the current with his tail fin, heading for the beach.

If he was honest: he'd been heading there all morning. He wasn't sure of human practice regarding when to meet: but he had no desire to seem too eager. His human was...well, she was human. And he had a growing suspicion that such a meeting would _not_ be looked upon favorably by merpeople or humans alike. It was too unusual, too scarcely done. Humans were one of two things: foes or food. Meetings to the contrary were only on very specific occasions; and Kylo didn't want to think too much about that just yet. He wasn't sure how ridiculous such practices would be.

So, he decided to seem nonchalant. Better that than acknowledge the curious excitement building in his thrumming heart.

Digging his hands into the sand at the bank, he scanned the beach from under the lapping waves. He saw little movement; with the exception of one lone figure, blurred by the flotsam and jetsam that bubbled in the current. Hesitantly, he took a deep breath: his tail twitching as he slightly pushed himself above the waves. 

His eyes instantly stung in the cool air; his vision clouded by salt water. He blinked it away, frustration hitching in his gills as he pulled a lock of wet hair from his eyes. His heart leapt when, just by the shore, he saw her. His pretty, sweet, wonderful little human. She was staring out across the length of sand that reached up to the cliff; some strange triangle in her hand. She nipped at the edge of it, chewing slowly. Odd objects surrounded her; a sheet that looked like whale's skin, flat and grey. Other things Kylo had no inkling to recognise; no basis to guess at. But laughter bubbled in his chest anyway; catching him off guard. He was rather excited to see her.

Kylo pushed with the current, allowing the waves to guide him to the shore. One large wave crashed against the beach, and he rode it near to where she sat. She seemed not to notice his presence; and he bit his cheek, sharp teeth nipping at the skin. Devious. He was devious. Instead of banking himself, he silently rose from the water, lips chapping against the sea breeze. Before she could turn to him, he pushed a handful of seawater at her; webbed fingers letting him get a good purchase on the liquid. His human cried out in response: and even that sound was mesmerizing. The materials at her not-tail were now splattered with water; some dusting at her soft, pretty hair. He remembered what it felt like to run his hands though it, and his heart danced.

She looked irked at first: but at seeing him, a smile spread across her features. Oh, such a lovely smile, his human had. He had never seen a smile so radiant.

"You're here", she laughed, disbelief in her tone.

 _"Of course I am",_ he replied, smiling. But as expected: it was raspy nothingness, spluttering salt water and gasps as his lungs protested. She seemed satisfied with his attempt, though; and that was enough for him. Even if she couldn't understand his words, it seemed as though she could catch his meaning, with enough effort from his face.

His human shuffled, pulling at the whale-skin she had splayed out on the shore. It shone strangely, and Kylo's curiosity lead him to eye it with suspicion. 

"I thought...I mean, I saw what happened to your scales yesterday on the sand. So I brought a tarp. You can lay on it, if you like. I mean, it saves the risk of you getting beached again or something".

Tarp. _Tarp_. Was that her name for whale skin? It was such a bizarre concept to him. He reached a webbed hand from the water, leaning on his elbow to trace the tarp's surface. It was cool and wet: and nothing like a whale. Did she...did she expect him to push himself onto it? It would leave him rather vulnerable, if she decided to spear or eat him. That would be a rather tragic end, and he wasn't fond of it. On the other hand - if she had wanted to do that, she likely would have yesterday, when he was at her mercy in pain. Yes, he could do that. 

With a shudder, he gave a hard thrash with his tail, sliding him up onto the shore. Neptune, it was such a bizarre feeling. He easily slid onto the tarp, stomach pressed against the cool material. He had never been this far out of the water; almost the entirety of his tail now at the mercy of the rich air. It bit at his body, already feeling too dry and chapped for his liking. But he'd heard of mermaids who bathed in the sun for days at a time: so surely this was tolerable? He puffed air from his chest, his body trying to acclimatize. He felt so...heavy. He tried to move his tail, but it mostly flopped around unceremoniously, black scales straining with the effort.

She laughed, and annoyance built up in his heavy chest. He pushed himself up onto his elbows; thankful for the time he'd spent foraging kelp. It had built up some strength, at least. Enough to hold him upright; his core tensed to push himself to look at her.

 _"What? You think this is easy? This is ridiculous",_ he rasped. He pushed his dark hair back, and was shocked to find it already drying in the sun, black waves curling at his shoulders in a bizarre manner.

"I'm sorry", she chuckled "Are you annoyed? I feel like you're pissed off at me. That much I can tell".

He huffed, breath whistling from his nostrils. This was ridiculous. This whole situation was just appallingly stupid.

"Look, if it's any consolation: I made sandwiches. And cupcakes. And I brought other stuff, in case you don't like that. To be honest, I'm not actually sure what mer...people eat".

Kylo looked up, his eyes meeting hers in earnest. Oh, Neptune. She was too beautiful. It wasn't fair. They'd never told him anything about humans being beautiful; not even a little bit. But here she was, this pretty little human: all soft hair and dark lashes and colourful drapings. She was iridescent; all the colours of the reef, and new ones, too.

_"You're beautiful, you know?"_

"Well, if you don't like sandwiches, I brought some fish. Salmon and tuna. The tuna is canned, but you know", she breathed, reaching into an unusually weaved basket. Oh, so there were some small advantages to her lack of understanding. Some small concessions for his voice being taken from him by the salty sea air, by his weakened lungs. She pulled out a triangle, offering it to him in her gentle fingers.

His stomach growled, and he plucked the shape from her hand.

"Sandwiches".

Sand...witches? That was ridiculous. There was neither sand nor witches in this shape, and he sniffed it to check. He could smell something familiar; tuna, perhaps? But it was surrounded by strange shapes, made up of some dry substance. He was quite unsure of it, but he nipped at the corner with his sharp teeth.

Ugh. The dry substance was unbearably grating in his mouth. He knew why they were sand-witches now: it was as though a witch had turned the fish to sand. Still, he chewed, attempting to look at least moderately pleased. The fish taste came through, and he was thankful for it. It was mixed with something else; something mildly sweet and milky. It wasn't too bad, and once he had forced down the grating shape, the meal wasn't too unpleasant.

"Shit, okay. Should've considered that bread doesn't go down well with sea creatures".

Sea creatures? How barbaric. He glared, hoping his eyes conveyed the message.

She rolled hers, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. It didn't stay there; the sea breeze having other plans. She sighed in frustration, picking out another shape.

Oh. This one he recognised immediately, the smell making his mouth water. Fish; albeit one he had never encountered. Bright orange, like the coral forests near his home. He eyed it with apprehension as she tore a piece, handing it to him. He was far less polite this time; inhaling the fish and chewing quickly. Neptune, it was good. It was so, so good. When had he eaten such well-cut fish? It was exquisite. She must have been a fearless hunter, to catch such a beautiful fish.

"I knew that would be a hit", she laughed. She popped a piece into her mouth, chewing slowly. Upon seeing his eyes follow her movements, she gave him a larger piece. He nodded in thanks, gulping that down too.

_"What is this? It's great"._

"No, I don't have any more", she wrinkled her nose "but I'll remember you like it".

Eh, close enough. If she was willing to hunt for him: all the better for him, right? Humans must have been far more formidable than he first thought.

"How is your hair already dry? How did you do that?"

He shrugged, shifting on his elbows. It must've been a strangely familiar gesture for her, because he could feel her smirk radiating through his bones. She was right though: his hair was absolutely dry, soft against his ears. So odd to him; dry hair. Was this what hair was like for humans? He reached out to touch it. It was silky; pushing in waves around his face like the ocean. He hoped he looked half as radiant as she did.

"Gosh, it's beautiful. Like silk", she purred. It did something to him; a feeling deep in his stomach, radiating through his tail. His tail fin twitched involuntarily; and he cursed himself for his forwardness. Such a gesture among his people was...profane. To say the least. Luckily, she seemed to understand little of this; but instead, with steady hands, reached out to brush her fingertips against his locks.

 _"Oh, fuck",_ he rasped, feeling that slight tug on his dry hair. It was such a small gesture; but so alien. So utterly captivating. He could feel the hum of her pulse on his mane, the way her hands appraised it with a wandering curiosity. It made him feel...things he shouldn't. Things he wasn't used to feeling. He cursed himself; blaming it on the thin air, on the heat. On the proximity to mating season. Yes, it had to be that. This was just...just a momentary lapse. A harmless venture. Nothing more.

But her hands became braver; tracing where the dark waves bit at his neck. He felt his body tense, tail pushing into the sand with frustration. Was she trying to drive him to the brink of madness? Was she some sort of witch, some kind of evil creature, sent to tempt him? He was sure this was a trick of some sort. But as her fingers brushed his neck with curiosity, he whimpered; the sound leaving his lips as a low growl. She paused, retracting her hand back to her side with an unnerved expression.

_"Please, don't...don't stop doing that"._

She stared at him with an unreadable expression, amusement lighting up her eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. I know you don't like being touched. I'll jot that down for the memo".

What? No! No, that wasn't what he meant at all! This was stupidly frustrating. Stupid, beautiful, seductive humans. Stupid weak lungs. It was all so painfully difficult to navigate.  
As it were: he had no concept of what he was doing. This was so utterly insane that he could have laughed. Wanting to be touched by a human? It was absurd. Unheard of. Shameful.

He sighed in frustration, digging his webbed fingers into the sand. He wanted to ask her questions; wanted to know her. But how? She couldn't understand him; not even a little. He wasn't sure what he could do to get her to hear him, to get her to see him as he wanted to be seen. 

"You're looking thoughtful", she breathed "which doesn't seem good".

And then: it hit him.

He gestured to his mouth; webbed hand rubbing at his lips. She cocked her head in curiosity; his mind suddenly clouded with thoughts of her hair, her lips. He shuddered, continuing. He gestured to her ear; then to the safety of the sea. She seemed lost; and he rasped a cry of frustration. 

"You want me to...what? Go in there?"

He pushed himself back on the tarp, tail paddling as he retreated into the cool waves. They lapped at his torso, soothing the chapped feeling of his skin. He sighed, dipping his head under the water and wetting his hair once more. Yes, this was better. Much, much better. He grabbed at one of her material-covered not-tail fins, winding his webbed fingers around the material. She gasped, but looked determined; eyes shining. She reached down and pulled at the weavings covering her body; rustling as she tried to remove them from her tail. He swam back, releasing her fin as she scrambled out of the strange pieces that wound at her body.

Oh, Neptune. She was...what was the word? He failed to remember if there were words for it. Where her tail ought to be were two seperate non-tails; her fins strange and rippling at the ends in grooves. Her stomach was bare; her torso only covered by material at her chest and hip. Strange places to have material, he remarked. But beautiful, beautiful nonetheless. Every curve send ripples through his tail; his mouth salivating. She really would have made an excellent meal. Too stunning for words. 

She shuddered as she slid into the water; brushing back her hair with a flick of her palm. His tail twitched again, and he chastised himself, growling at his stupid body. He could feel the spreading blush of shame, and he ducked his head under the water again. This time; he couldn't resist reaching out to grab at her not-tails, holding at the soft skin where a tail ought to be. He heard her laugh above the waves as his webbed fingers curled at her grooved fins, examining them with curious wonder. What were they good for? Surely not paddling. Their lack of webbing likely made them terrible for swimming. So why have them? Was it to attract a mate? How would not-tails do that when humans hid them under fabric?

He rose from the water, his curiosity barely sated. But he had other things to get out of the way first.

Her arms folded across her chest, she eyed him mischievously.

"Now what?"

He smirked, grabbing at her wrist again. She obliged, bending down to submerge her shoulders. A shiver wracked her body, and he cursed himself for forgetting humans ran warmer than he did. What if she froze? What if she got too cold? He couldn't bare the thought. But she seemed otherwise unharmed, and he bit his cheek in apprehension. 

"You want me to go under? Are you serious? It's fucking freezing in here".

He rasped a laugh, diving under the waves. His hand still at her wrist, she seemed to mentally steady herself. And then, eyes squeezed shut, she appeared at his side in the swirling water.

Bubbles trailed up from her lips, her eyes opening slowly. Could she see him? He hoped so, very much. But he wasn't so sure; and he wasn't sure how long humans could be in the water without choking on it like she did last night. He took in a breath with his gills, trying his best to remember how to speak. But his fears were irrational: here, under the water, he was stronger. He was powerful. He was at the advantage.

"Hello", he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	3. Wanting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words are hard. So is desire.

"Hello", he smiled.

His human shrieked; no syllables to be heard from her mouth as bubbles formed at her lips. That make him smirk. Touche. She shot upward, pulling her head above the waves. He followed her; air stinging his eyelids as he blinked off the splash of water. He could tell he had surprised her, and that made his heart thump with anticipation. She coughed; wiping the sea from her eyes on the back of her hand. 

"Oh my God! You can talk! You can actually talk!".

He smirked, floating on his back a little more. His tail flipped above the waves; sunlight dusting his dark tail, illuminating the crimson scales that dotted it. He slapped it down on the water; splashing her playfully.

"Your voice...woah. I mean, I wouldn't have..." she sniffed, droplets sticking to her lashes "you sound so..."

_"Masculine?  Desirable?"_

She cocked her brow at his rasps, clearly trying to discern his words above the water. She couldn't though: and that was fine. He was being cheeky anyway.

"Human".

Oh. Did he? He supposed he did. Maybe. He wasn't sure what humans sounded like; although he imagined yes, they'd sound a little something like him. Or he'd sound like them. He'd only ever properly met one human; and her voice was endlessly more musical than his own. If every human sounded as beautiful as she did: it was no wonder he was warned to keep away from them. They'd likely lure an unsuspecting merman to his death in a matter of moments.

"Can we..." she chuckled "again? Can you talk to me again?"

Before he could answer, she'd already ducked under the waves; he followed, blood pulsing. This time, her smile was wide on her lips, and it was more enticing than he'd expected. He felt his stomach flip, and he had to stifle a nervous laugh. Bubbles left his nose as he took a deep breath, trying to come up with what to say.

"Hi, Hello. I'm Kylo. It's so good to finally get to talk to you".

She pressed her hand to her lips in shock: taking in his words with wide eyes. Her hair pooled around her face; making her look more beautiful than any mermaid he'd had the pleasure of meeting. If he closed his eyes a little, he could imagine she was just like him. That there weren't endless reasons why this was madness, why his thoughts were ridiculous. Why he'd have more in common with a common flounder than a pretty human who lived by the shore.

His human opened her mouth to say something; but bubbles and strained hums only left her lips instead. He barked a laugh, swimming around her playfully. He circled her, tail lightly brushing her torso as he moved. It seemed only right that he got an opportunity to tease her, now. That was only fair, wasn't it?

They broke the surface again; but this time, she coughed. Water passed across her lips, and she swatted at his shoulder.

"All this time and I never even asked your name! I can't believe how selfish I've been. And it's pretty, too. Kylo."

Neptune; her song-like voice tracing his name was everything. He blushed uncontrollably, eyes traveling to the cloudless sky. Ah, yes. He'd been blushing a lot over the last two days. He hoped it was a symptom of the sea air, and not (as he suspected) that it was his body involuntarily responding to her gorgeous flattery. Gorgeous. And she'd thought his name was _pretty;_ pretty! He wasn't sure he deserved that sort of praise at all. Not swimming next to such a beautiful creature.

"Alright: I have questions, and I'm sure you do too. So we're going to go back and forth. Sound good to you, Kylo?"

Back and forth? He could do that. Admittedly, it was going to make his gills ache, but it might be good for his lungs in the long run. He chewed his cheek, giving a curt nod. And that was how the conversation began: a conversation that, in his opinion, was much too slow. He wanted to know more, to say more. To have her voice and his, mingled together in a current-like transaction. But he wasn't going to get that; so this would have to be close enough.

 

He pointed to his chest. He wanted to go first. She'd already had a thousand questions! And he had a thousand more. She sighed, but caved, splashing through the waves.

"What are these for? What do you call them?" he asked, his webbed fingers reaching for her not-tails. As his fingertips traced them; he felt his blood jolt, marveling at the soft warmth of her skin. 

"They're for moving. They're called legs."

He hissed a laugh. Legs? What strange things. 

"Oh, you think that's funny, Mr. Fishman?" she asked, her voice all strange and shaky. Kylo's soft eyes ran across her face; and his mind was filled with concern. Did humans often shake like that? Was that another one of those strange quips? She seemed to be vibrating; her arms crossed, rubbing her palms against herself slowly. It didn't seem right, though: her lips looked a little purple, and he noticed bumps across her smooth skin. He felt a pinch of concern: and he swam close to her, trying to understand the issue.

"I'm sorry, it's just...fuck, I'm cold. Aren't you cold?"

Oh! She _was_ cold! Neptune, he was so angry that he'd allowed that to happen! He immediately grasped for her wrist through the waves; her pulse hammering against the webbing of his fingers. He shook off the watering of his mouth as his tail thrashed in the water, using his strength to drag her back to the sand. She seemed reluctant, but her legs paddled through the water until she waded onto the sand. Her teeth began to make a curious sound; a chittering that filled him with waves of anxiety. He still held her wrist; even as she tried to move to her possessions and baubles.

"Thanks Kylo, but y-you're going to have to let go of me so I c-can get my t-towel and d-d-dry off", she smiled weakly. 

_"Oh, whoops. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Are you alright? Do humans usually get this cold?"_

He was not doing well at all. His human probably hated him at this point; but he released her wrist, biting his lip as she took a piece of fabric from her weaved basket. She wrapped it across her body; rubbing off the water sticking to her skin. The rubbing was so vigorous it looked like it hurt.

"Look, I th-think I m-might need a shower. G-get some warmth back into my bones. B-but I'll c-come back tomorrow, and I'll b-bring more food?"

He hesitated. Tomorrow? Was that...could he do that? If he came back tomorrow, that was more than just checking on her welfare. More than just getting a reward. That was something the Court  _really, really_ wouldn't approve of. And what with the mating season coming up, and his mother so desperately searching for him all hours of the day: could he risk this, whatever it was?

But his freckled face drifted to hers: her cold lips trembling, waiting in apprehension. That light in her eyes made his heart sing: made his blood catch. She was a witch, surely. How could he be so entranced by the simplicity of her gaze, the tumbling of her wet hair? It made his body ache, made him restless in a way he hoped was just...a passing fancy. Yes. Surely if he came back tomorrow, it would be a harmless endeavor. Her spell over him would wane with time's passage.

He hoped.

* * *

 

"Okay, okay. New one: never have I ever...kissed someone".

Kylo barked a laugh, cheeks flushing. He felt her hand tap his arm; and he felt a pang of jealousy. They must have been a very lucky human, to have lips so soft eclipse their own. His tail twitched _again;_ and he bit the inside of his cheek in embarrassment and frustration. But alas: he reached a webbed finger out and tapped at her arm, turning his head to look at her with a dimpled half-smile.

They both lay on the tarp she'd brought; staring up at the sky that seemed to go on forever. His tail dipped slightly in the water: just enough to wet his tail fin from time to time. They were close enough to touch, and it was tantalizing. 

"Well well, Kylo. Good to see kissing is never out of style", she grinned. Her eyelashes fluttered in the breeze; her lips parted to the sky. Neptune; what he wouldn't give to have his mouth reach to hers tenderly. Kissing for his people was...so rare. So beautiful. Everything. He'd only ever done it once before: and it had been breathtaking. But he had barely been a man, then, and this was different entirely. He'd been coming to see her for nearly a week, every single day.

He was intoxicated by her. Utterly enraptured.

"I'd offer you a turn, but..." she gestured to him with her forehead, scooting to give him a little nudge on his shoulder. 

" _I think you're beautiful, by the way"._

"Yeah, well it's not my fault I don't understand a word you're saying. Especially now that you've turned into some sort of merman-worry-fish and keep trying to stop me from swimming".

He paused, hissing a sigh through his teeth.

 _"You don't know how often I think about you, when you're not here",_ he rasped, biting at the inside of his cheek. This felt dangerous, somehow. Like she'd suddenly reveal she'd played him for a fool; known what he was saying all along. But he couldn't help himself: he felt as though if he just said it, spoke his words to the bitter stinging air, they might evaporate into it. Make him hers, in some way. 

Impossible. Ridiculous thoughts. 

"So, now that we're here and all...look, do you mind if I...I mean, I'd love to feel your scales, you know?". She seemed out of breath asking, and she pulled her lips over her teeth in embarrassment "I mean, I've just never met another merperson, and I'm not sure I ever will again, and I sort of just want to...indulge my curiosity? I'm not sure how much of a cultural no it is, but..."

Oh. _Oh._

Kylo could feel his entire body spasm in response to her words; licking pleasure through his spine. A week ago, the thought of a human touching his tail so casually would have been absolutely perverse. Just so unusual and uncomfortable. But here, now, with his pretty little human: oh, how he felt himself stiffen, his lips parting gently in desire and apprehension. His breath hitched as he took in her words, and her eyes fell to his.

_"Yes. Oh, heavens, yes. Please."_

He tried to push the words from his mouth; and in truth, was shocked that for the first time, his words seemed to convey some form of emotion from him that she might understand. Desire was slick in his strange babbles, but he nodded with a serious attempt at remaining calm. Controlled. Could she not see what she was doing to him? See the way he was hooked like a fish on a hook? It was maddening. If any of the Court could see him now, he was sure he'd die then and there. His human pushed up to sit; sun-chapped fingers carefully reaching out. Her eyes drank in his dark scales with a hungry curiosity that made him want to...

A moan escaped his mouth; long and breathy as her fingers collided with the scales at his hip. Oh, mercy. Her gentle caresses were all-encompassing to his sensitive body, lightning from the rolling storm. He looked down, watching her fingers as they moved dangerously, teasingly. Was she trying to taunt him, then? Have him hopelessly lost in his own desire until he gave in and took her? 

 _"You have no idea",_ he rasped _"_ _this is...you are...fuck"._

She bit her lip, teeth digging into the soft flesh. He could barely think; his mind was a litany of wordless wonder.

"Are you making noises to tell me to stop?" she asked. And of course, Kylo could have cried out. Humans were utterly terrifying, ridiculous things. Because despite knowing very little of their cultures and customs, he knew humans communicated with the most minor inflections in their voices, just like he did. And her emphasis on 'stop' hinted to his addled brain that perhaps she knew what she was doing to him.

His face was red hot, but with an embarrassed sigh of defeat; he reached up a webbed hand and grabbed at her wrist, mimicking the movements she'd made previously against his tail. Yes. Fuck. She cocked a half-smile, making more decisive strokes with her fingers. My, she really was bewitching him. There was nothing else to it.

"Thought not", she mused. She seemed a little nervous; but then again, which of them didn't? This exploration was strange and new. It held some kind of significance to it; some sort of unspoken words. In his culture, such touches of hair and hands and tails was strictly for mating: and even then, it was not so commonplace. He wasn't sure about human culture: but the way she pursed her lips, cheeks hot and lids low told him this wasn't unpleasant for her.

_"If you keep touching me like this, I'll be yours. Whatever you want from me. Just - fuck - never stop. Please."_

"You're so handsome. Muscular, but beautiful. And your tail feels so strong. But so smooth, too. Like marble".

Oh, fuck. Was he...no, he couldn't. He couldn't. _That_ would be insanity. He wasn't sure he even could outside of the water; he'd never thought about it. He wished he had. Neptune, he wished he had taken the time to ask someone. His scales were closed around it; but it was so hard it was aching and hot. Swollen to such an extent that he had to awkwardly check it was still not visible.

He had to get out of here. Not from fear of his beautiful, sexy human: but from embarrassment, from flustering. He must've been burning red, because she chuckled, retracting her hands with a wayward sigh.

"You're bright red, you know."

Fuck. He couldn't do it. She'd won.

He shot up; arms leaning out to embrace her shoulders, crushing his lips to hers in one fluid action. For a moment, she seemed startled; but after it passed she returned it, nipping at his lip as she wound her hands through his hair. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. It was catastrophic in his head: a sea of colour, a symphony of sensations. He moaned against her mouth, trying and failing to whisper her name. But she seemed to see his intent; sighing as her tongue sought his. There was no one dominating sensation, but rather everything; every second.

The effort for him to hide his arousal was becoming unbearably painful. He wasn't sure he'd ever been this close to just...involuntarily having it slip out, cumming down his tail. His fin flopped about wildly, trying in desperation to channel some of the white hot desire in his blood. She tugged at his hair, and he saw stars and waves blinding at his vision.

He really did have to go, now. He couldn't just...take a human girl on the beach. Mating wasn't like that for his people: there were rules. Procedures. Rituals. 

Rituals.

 _Rituals_.

Kylo pulled away, mind adrift as she panted, breath chapping his lips.

"What? Is something wrong?"

But he felt a grin appearing on his face. Wider and wider, filling his core with a sudden realisation. He shook his head, planting his plump lips to her cheek in tender excitement. She seemed to like that, and she sighed in appreciation.

"That was amazing. You're amazing."

She was a thousand times more amazing; but that wasn't the point. Not at all. How could he explain?

He pointed a webbed finger to the sky, then made an arcing motion. And then pointed to her, and then to the beach. Gosh, he wasn't that good at these games. Phasma had always let him win, and he assumed it was because she felt sorry for him.

"Tomorrow night? You want me to come back?"

Oh, he could have kissed her again. Such a smart human. The smartest, most beautiful, most wonderful human in the world. She laughed, and the sound was musical; her hands reaching up to press to his cheek. He nuzzled into her palm; the human smell of her skin lingering in his nostrils.

"What are you planning?" she whispered, smile wide on her face.

But he just gave a sly wink; shuffling off of the tarp and diving into the waves. There was too much to prepare; and not enough time to do it. He just hoped he knew what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	4. Learning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more things change, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perspective shifts a little back and forth here. Enjoy!

"Mother".

Kylo's mother turned; mild annoyance playing at her soft features. Grey hair held back intricately, her mouth formed a thin line as she took in her son. Kylo instantly felt self-conscious: his mother could always tell when she was being avoided. Silver threads wound about her neck and tail marked her as a princess in her own right, and pinched at Kylo's mind. The whole courtly system was forged in rules and tradition. He shirked his title with utter disdain, wincing through gritted teeth every time another mermaid in the Court referred to him as "My Prince". 

"Well; I'd ask where you've been, but I'm not sure I'd like the answer". 

He knew she wouldn't, and he chewed the inside of his cheek; tail fin curling defensively. No, she probably wouldn't. Not even a little.

Leia sighed, bubbles forming at her lips as she fiddled at a pearl-studded pin in her hands. He did love his mother, truly. But she couldn't understand. She had never understood him, really. He wondered if anyone did, or whether he was born to some cruel trick of fate; Neptune's whim, making him different. He wished he could explain to her how much he loathed the appointments, the schedules, the ballrooms. How much he despised every far-flung princess she'd send to his chambers, trying to coax him to settle. They were dim, boring little things. All of them preoccupied by the future, the past. Never by the moment, by passion or adventure or danger.

"Ben", she started, and he winced at his birth name. She was babying him, then; birth names among his people were only used by close family, affectionate partners. Never in such casual conversation. He'd chosen his adult name on his eighteenth moon, and she knew how his childhood name made him feel vulnerable, uneasy. "I know you despise this time of year. But please; we only want to see you happy. Everyone in Court is looking for mates, settling down for the cold season. I know you're not fond of matchmaking, but this Princess Rey is supposedly beautiful. She'd make a fine catch, if you'd only spend time with her".

Kylo gritted his teeth, webbed fingers uncomfortable at his sides. Princess Rey was very beautiful, and very kind, and very brave. And very everything. But she just wasn't...

"I want to take Venilia. Tonight".

Leia's brown eyes widened; her eyes moving to her son's rigid form. He could feel his heart beating at some speed, and he moved forward a little, pushing water through his gills. She wouldn't have expected this, even a little. Kylo had shirked the practice outright: it's outdated, old. Something of a rite of passage that seemed like pointless gesturing to him. But it's funny how things change, and he clenches his jaw.

"Why?"

"Does it matter why? Do you plan to stop me, after you spent all those years willing me to take it?"

Leia took a deep breath, her shoulders heaving with the effort.

"Ben, it's not...this isn't a good time to go wandering. You don't think-"

"-Do I have your permission?", he interjected. He's tired of this back-and-forth. She knows what this means, and it's a route to both of their problems being halfway fixed. It's not an easy fix, but it gives him time at least. And at this point, he was willing to take whatever time he could get. Whatever moments he could snatch of his freedom before it crumbled into carp dinners and kelp dancing.

Leia looked solemnly from the window of her spire, but she nodded. Kylo felt his heart leap: a smile twitching at his dimpled cheeks as he followed her gaze. Below them, merpeople bustled through the stone buildings; iridescent sheen of their tails catching in the dappled sunlight. He could admit it would be beautiful, if not for the posturing and pomp of it all. Perhaps then it'd feel like home.

"You know where to go?" she asked, her voice laced with a level of reluctant contentment.

"Yes".

"And you know how much time you have?"

"Until sunrise".

She nodded.

"Don't take any chances. Take care of yourself".

But Kylo barely heard her; the afternoon was closing in, and he could hardly contain himself as he kicked his tail fin into gear, already rushing down the corridor at speed. Waves be good, he'd get there for sunset; and everything he wanted seemed so tantalizingly close.

* * *

Pale moonlight scattered on the sea as you grabbed your backpack, slinging it over your shoulder and kicking the door to the cottage shut. The chimes on the door tingled in protest; and you were very lucky Grandma wasn't home to hear it. You winced, scuffing your shoes on the path and scrambling down towards the cliffs. You could hear your heartbeat pounding in your ears; dryness in your mouth like it was full of sand. More than anything, you just wished you could have been there earlier; but the cafe had been bustling, orders piling in. Summer was reeling in, and if you had to make another soy chai latte in the next eternity, you would seriously consider handing in the metaphorical towel.

The beach looked serene as the last light of the twilight curled at the horizon; your eyes scanning the beach for some sign of life. Or, in particular: one suitably gorgeous merman who had captured your eye over the last week. How had that even happened? It felt insane to you. You'd almost broken Google after the first few days over trying to get information, but nothing suitable really caught you. But Kylo? God, there were no words. Thick, dark locks. Plump lips on pale skin, dusted with freckles. And the guy was ripped; how did that even happen? Did merpeople have gym memberships? 

Your shoes crunched on the sand, kicking it up onto your shorts. Across the horizon, little boats shone their lights like twinkling stars. But you squinted; and could only make out one figure on the beach. Some tourist coming to get photos, no doubt. They always were in this season. He stood, back to you; silhouette barely visible in the light. Shit; he was staring at the water. You really hoped Kylo had more sense than to just pop up when unsuspecting dudes were skirting the beach.

But as you got closer, sand now wet under your soles: you froze, blinking hard.

No way. That was too uncanny.

"Kylo?" you called, your voice high and shaky. No way. You had to be out of it.

But he turned and the sound of your voice; dimples pressing into his cheeks like he'd caught you. Because there he was.

 

He was a fucking human being. Like a human man, standing on the sand, dressed like a functioning member of society. He was wearing _jeans_. Not fake jeans, not pseudo-mermaid jeans: Levi-type twenty-something middle class _jeans_. And this pale blue long sleeved shirt, pulling at his torso. And shoes, proper shoes, real shoes. Brown ones. His face was flushed, and you swore to God that you had _never_ seen someone so incredibly tall and so incredibly stunning. You thought you might just die.

 _"You're wearing jeans"_ , you babbled. You had no idea why those were the words leaving your mouth; but it was what it was.

His smirk grew even wider, and he bowed his head slightly in embarrassment.

"Yeah...I was told they're popular with human men. But not by anyone reliable".

Oh, that voice. Without the blurring of seawater and time, it sent ripples through your chest. Low and gravelly and soft, all at once.

"...How?"

You moved toward him, staring at his face with such awe, such ridiculously sweaty palms. Was this a dream? It had to be, surely. His lips parted as you eyed him up and down, looking for some flaw, some reason to believe he was the same awkward merman you'd seen on the beach. A slight wobble in his legs, you noticed: the way he leaned his feet too far into the center of his body, as though he weren't quite certain how to stand in the best way. On seeing you examining that flaw, he straightened: pushing his stance to match yours. 

"A rite of passage. To see this world for a short time and sate our curiosity. Before we...before other things".

You felt your heart drop as he chewed at his cheek, brown eyes wavering.

"So this isn't permanent? You have to go back?"

He paused, before giving a soft nod. You felt a breath echo from your lips, your fingers reaching to brush the soft fabric of his shirt.

"Until sunrise. Then, I'll turn back".

Kylo looked positively forlorn at the prospect, and you felt much the same. To have him at all like this was...such a wonderful thing. You didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth: but oh. Such little time to spend with him like this, in your world. Some part of you had hoped that this change would be more than just momentary; that there was some way for him to fit into your little life in the cottage. But that wasn't the world, maybe. And you'd take what you could get.

"Well", you shrugged "let's make it count, shall we?"

* * *

 

Kylo couldn't stop _staring_ at the wonder of it all. It was so, so different from anything he'd ever known, ever seen. She had lead him off the sand, across some paths that zigzagged. She seemed to manage her movements with such a flowing grace that he found just too difficult. He couldn't stop tripping over himself: legs too long and spindly to do anything. He cursed himself at his slow learning pace. 

She had taken him somewhere that smelled so strange. Where tiny stars floated in the air, held by little threads. Metal contraptions sang songs without words, humans shuffling by in their human ways with strange sickly sticks of sweet-smelling clouds. The sensations made him feel dizzy; and he occasionally had a small moment of panic as he moved to breathe through his gills to find them gone. Oh, this was horrible and splendid, all at once.

"Okay, so what's first? You want to go on a ride, grab some food? Win some stuff?"

He swung around, black hair flicking at his ears as his eyes followed one of the metal contraptions. Were humans...were they on top of those things? Neptune, that seemed unsafe. Was it some sort of wave-generating machine for the air? Perhaps humans resented their lack of gills more than he'd suspected.

_"Kylo"._

He turned to look at his pretty human; her eyes flecked with colour. She was so lovely in this light; too lovely to not do anything. He bent his back slightly, leaning down to press his lips to hers. She gave a muffled sound of surprise, but seemed to return it with just as much eagerness as she'd had yesterday. He was so tall as a human, it felt as though he could too easily hurt or scare her. He needed her to know she'd be safe with him, always.

"Let's see more of that human food you're eager to show me".

She laughed, and it made his heart skip. Softly, she reached out a hand to clasp around his own. It made his breath catch; but he mostly marveled at how cool her touch was. How little her skin warmed his; and how without webbing, their fingers could close together in some sort of bond. It made his face flood with warmth, blush dusting his freckles. Oh, how he adored his pretty human and her soft human hands. She lead him steadily to a metal box, a human male sitting inside. Kylo hoped he wasn't trapped; but by the look on his face, he was not impressed with his metal prison. 

Once a strange transaction (which Kylo only understood in part) had occurred, Kylo was handed a 'sand witch' looking meal. But it smelled infinitely better; and was wrapped in some thin, white seaweed. He took a bite, and yes. His body instantly reacted, salivating as he chewed. Oh; his sense of taste had changed drastically. He could pick out every inch of bitterness, every layer of the meal. Textures on his tongue that made him intrigued.

His human made a choking sound, looking at him with a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"Did...did you just eat the grease paper on your burger?"

He looked down at the meal, and then back up at her. She laughed out loud, shoulders shaking as she clasped a hand to her mouth.

"No, you don't..." she laughed, gasping for air "the white stuff is to hold it. You don't need to _eat it_ ".

Oh, well that would have been nice to know before he took a bite out of his delicious warm meal. He scowled, mild annoyance pulling at his lips. He was trying! He was trying really, really hard. There was a lot to take in, after all. The process of changing had been very, very painful; and he'd had to get materials to wear from an old chest owned by a sea witch. So he assumed he was allowed to make a few little mistakes.

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. It's just funny is all", she added, popping the last piece of her food into her mouth

Yes, very funny.

"Do you like it?", she asked

He nodded.

"It's really good. Who hunted for this?"

She visibly stifled a laugh, and Kylo narrowed his eyes.

"No, we don't..." she coughed "...well, some parts of it were hunted, I suppose. Some of it is gathered. We put it together".

"You...Don't know who hunted for this?"

She chuckled, grabbing at the crook of his arm. He felt his annoyance dissipate at the feel of her hands through the material, guiding him with gentle purpose. He could smell her skin, and it smelled of fresh air and pretty flowers. He noticed his senses were working differently; his smell and taste were better, but his touch, his eyes, his ears; were so different. His perception of the world was alien even to him. It was utterly boggling.

"Come on, you. I have something to show you".

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	5. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: SEX! YAY. Oh and biting. This shit kinky

Kylo stood on the beach; waves lapping at his toes as his eyes drifted up to the stars.

How often had he looked up through the water, dreaming of the endless sky? How often had he weaved through the coral reef, twisting through the schools of fish, his mind filled with loneliness and displacement? Perhaps this was some cruel trick of fate; to finally find a reason to _be,_ and yet to know there was no permanence to it. That when the sun lapped at the horizon, he'd lose his last moments with her: and return beneath the waves, his chances spent.

His gaze darted to the cliffs anxiously: his human had run off, flittering around in excitement.  She had told him to wait here; but he could feel the time passing as the waves crashed against the sand. What if she never returned? What if this had been some trick, some strange human ritual to lure him into a place he was most vulnerable?

No. He shook his head, dark locks licking at his cheeks. His pretty little thing would never do something like that to him. He just knew.

Starlight suddenly burst from across the beach: a loud, keening cry as a creature sprinted across the sand. Kylo staggered backward, kicking up sand on his jeans as he flailed, trying to get away. In his panic, he backed into the water: but the waves offered him no comfort as they soaked through his material bindings, his human form too clumsy in the water to protect himself. Neptune, nobody had warned him there were monstrous creatures prowling the sand!

The creature skidded across the sands furthest from him, its star-like eyes focused on the cliffs. It was a truly ugly thing: like those wave simulators he'd seen at the top of the cliff. It seemed to move on circular legs, kicking dirt violently. But right as sea-spray threatened to make him choke out a cry; he saw her. His human. 

Climbing out of the belly of that...thing.

"What the hell are you doing?" she laughed; skipping across the sand toward him as he staggered to his feet. He was utterly soaked, the materials on his skin as useless as his tail had been on land. Neptune, how did humans move from sitting to standing with such little effort? Their limbs were ridiculous. A tangle of spindly, meaty sticks they had to balance on. It was utterly ridiculous.

Kylo didn't respond; dark eyes wide as he stared at the creature in terror.

His human looked back at the thing, and then to him. Her throat bobbed as she choked back a little laugh.

"The car won't hurt you, Kylo. It's not alive. It's just a machine".

Kylo wasn't convinced "The Car" was harmless, even when it wasn't facing him. But his human was insistent, and that was that. Better he swallow down his anxieties and not make a fool of himself...again.

"You're...all wet".

Yes; he was. He looked himself up and down, seeing the fabric sticking to his skin. Neptune, it was uncomfortable.

"I fell on these _ridiculous_ limbs" Kylo coughed, moving to her unsteadily "nonsensical. You humans are absolute nonsense".

She rolled her eyes; and he couldn't help himself. He leaned his plump lips in, pushing a soft kiss to her cheek. Her skin was cool, soft: he would never get used to it. She edged away from him a little, and he felt a pang of hurt, which must have registered in his face as a slight pout.

"This way", she cooed, her voice like a song as she took his wet hand in hers. He marveled at how gentle human hands were, how easily they could touch one another: before, she hadn't been able to so much as skim her fingers across his webbing without the sensation being so strong it almost hurt. But now, her fingers interlaced with his, and it was such a subtle thing. No wonder humans so often sought comfort in one another: such an experience made them feel more alive.

He tripped a little on one of the dunes, but with a slow pace; they made it back to "The Car". Now, though, he noticed it was likely not a creature: but a moving contraption, a strange husk of air that carried humans around. Land-boat. The Car had a carriage at the front and a back part that was just longer than he was: open to the sky as though it were a viewing deck. Littered across the deck were a huge number of fluffy materials: some almost cloud-like, others more like heavy scraps of clothing. What really captured him, though, were the little stars: wound around the sides of The Car on some sort of netting, twinkling slightly as though she'd bottled up starlight itself.

"We used to do this all the time as a kid. Nobody comes down here this time of night, so we'd camp beneath the stars. Put on some fairy lights. Talk for hours". Her gaze looked wistful; a slight breeze tousling her hair and making Kylo's breath catch. Neptune; was there ever anyone more beautiful? He couldn't believe he could deserve one moment with her, let alone a whole night. It was almost as though she'd been sent from the Gods themselves: an imperfect being who was perfect for him. Perfectly imperfect, just the way she was.

She must have noticed him looking at her; because he felt her pulse flutter through her palm as she pulled down a little barrier and clambered onto the soft clouds. He wanted to follow, but his eyes dropped to the wet materials clinging to his skin. Kylo gritted his teeth in embarrassment, trying to figure out whether it was considered socially incorrect to have his damp materials spoil the nest she'd so lovingly made for them.

"I, uh..." he coughed, tugging at the fabric "I don't want your nest to get all wet".

She seemed to think that was rather sweet, and so she gestured for him to take off the wet materials, covering her eyes with her hands. What was she doing, shielding herself from him like that? But human customs were strange, and he peeled off the wet fabrics, letting his human skin free to the brunt of the warm breeze. The jeans were a particular struggle, the zip fiddly as he tried to make his uncoordinated human fingers get the mess off of him. 

Once he finally finished, he dropped the fabrics out onto the sand: clambering across the nest toward her. Oh, the materials she'd gathered were so soft against his human skin; he could hardly have made a more fitting nest himself. Her lashes fluttered open as he sat back against the softness, mimicking her as he propped himself up, reclined so close to her that their arms were flush together. But oh, he heard his human gasp a little; his honey eyes catching her taking in his body.

"You're naked". Her words were dry of any emotion he recognised, and he felt a little confused. Sure he was naked. He'd been naked every time they'd met up until now. Had she assumed his tail was some sort of...costume? Some second-skin? Was this not considered appropriate in human society?

He hummed in acknowledgement, pressing his lips to her shoulder. He felt her pulse, and fuck: he couldn't help himself as his mouth watered a little, the thought of her tender at his touch. Perhaps he didn't much care for eating humans; but she was divine, her skin carved by wind and sky. Alive and here and beautiful. And something about that made him want to have her, consume her, bathe in her until they were one entity.

"You disapprove?" he cocked a brow, eyeing her chest rise and fall as she used her lungs. The material there covered supple flesh; and he felt his body tense. Felt his breath catch as he watched her, took her in, drank in her beauty against the multitude of stars. 

_Oh._

He felt a familiar twitch - or was it unfamiliar? It was something different, something new; and yet he knew what it meant. Knew by the way the blood pumped in his veins, by the way his head felt light as he stroked a hand across her hip to take in the dips and curves of it. He looked down, and oh fuck. Of course. Of course that was the thing he'd forgotten about humans - about the way their bodies responded. About how there was no mechanism to cover that kind of immodesty. There was no sense to it, but there it was; his cock was thick and achingly hard, flush against his stomach. He felt a desperate pang of embarrassment at being so crudely made aware - and he sought for something to cover up the _issue_. 

"Oh fuck, I'm...I'm so sorry. It just sort of...I don't know how this works". His cheeks burned, redness streaking across the freckled bridge of his nose.

But in events too impossible to comprehend; she didn't seem to mind. His beautiful, wonderful, sensual human - she sucked a kiss to his neck, reaching down to flick her thumb against his cock as though it were a normal action.

"I know this must all be new to you...and if you want me to stop..."

"No! Please, Neptune, no. Please don't stop", he rasped, a garble of words that seemed to big to fit in his throat "you don't know how much I've wanted-"

His words fell short as her lips touched his, her tongue seeking out his own as he gasped against her mouth. Oh, fuck. Oh, stars. What was this? Humans were so incredibly bizarre. So enchanting. His people didn't prepare for mating in this way: kissing was very odd, very unheard of. All this touching, these hands, these ministrations...he'd heard stories of humans luring merpeople to their deaths. Singing songs of the land, enchanting them with a kiss. It seemed only fitting that he find all of those stories were true.

 _And her hands_. It was torture and pleasure, nothing short of exquisite. Her hands wrapped around his cock were sending him wild; begging him to give into his instincts. Instincts that told him to take her, hold her, bite her, fuck her. But then: humans were delicate. Soft. And so he'd let her lead him, to whatever end that might be.

"You're breathing so hard" she chuckled, one hand working to remove her own material dressings while the other continued to stroke him, massage him. Kylo's eyes rolled back into his head; dark locks hitting the soft clouds as he arched his back.

"Resisting" was all he could utter; swallowing hard as he bit down on his lip. Oh fuck. She was teasing him, pushing him: his whole energy was on not giving in, not desperately mating with her madly, possessively. All he wanted, all he needed was to be in her, to be hers. To taste her skin, feel her against him. He wondered whether he'd have this sort of willpower if he wasn't so acutely human at the moment: wondered whether this was why his people never really touched. Humans must be so catastrophically patient, so iron-willed.

His human dragged her nails across his chest, her lips pressing kisses to his collarbone as he looked down at her. Oh, Neptune: she was so beautiful. He had hoped - in vain - that somehow, he would see her naked form and feel the distance between them keenly. That he would know this had been a dream, that they were too different, that there weren't a thousand thousand reasons why this was madness. Hoped that he could somehow pretend this was all some sort of lapse of judgement, some feverish idea.

But he was enamored. Enchanted. Bewitched.   
She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

"Don't resist" she moaned. "Show me".

_Oh. Oh fuck._

His body responded before his mind did: his hands grasping at her skin, desperate to touch everything, anything. She lay flush on her back, panting hard as his body eclipsed hers; his hands at her shoulders, peppering kisses across her neck. 

He licked his lips, salivating, desperate.

"You're sure-"

She cut him off with a desperate nod, her nails gritting at the skin on his back. Oh, yes. Yes; mermaids often did this, too. Claws and bites and scratches: all part of the dance, in some way. Perhaps it was a strange thing, but it was all he'd known.

He licked his tongue at her pulse, nipping the skin there. She moaned; her hips bucking up to his cock, making stars dance across his vision. Oh Neptune, yes. More of that. He continued across her collarbone, at the sensitive skin on her breast: biting hard enough that his teeth marked the area in firm bruises. Constellations forming on her skin. She tasted better than anything he'd imagined; her pheromones mixing with the natural flavour of her skin on his lips. The bruises were a claim; and perhaps some might assume that it was him claiming her. But no: the bites were not that at all. They served as a promise, a song, a reminder. A plea carved from love, to remind a mate: _'I am yours, beholden to you; until the sea might wash away the signs of my love. And then, I will forge them anew"._

"Kylo", she whispered, the breeze tousling his hair. But he still had one place he wanted to kiss before he indulged himself; one last place to taste before he took her as a mate. He trailed the bruises down her body, parting her legs with a swift motion. Yes, oh fuck yes: he had dreamed of the taste of this, more beautiful than any other taste. And as he licked a stripe across her, she wailed in bliss: letting his tongue move into her possessively.

Neptune. Oh, it was the taste of heaven. Her desire slicked his tongue, and he despised that he couldn't get deeper, more, more of her. He sighed against her, and that seemed to make her body beg for more. She pushed against his mouth, and his eyes fluttered up to watch her grasp at his hair in silent praise. It ached. He ached for more, for everything.

"Kylo, please" she gasped "I need you. Need you to..."

Yes. He knew what she needed, because it was all he needed. Tender and beautiful and extraordinary, covered in his claims and saliva: he fumbled at his cock. Stars, how was he supposed to do this? He was frantic, pulsating. He missed the ocean dearly, where movements were simple. Where there was so little of this fumbling, this hesitation. Where he knew what to do with himself and wasn't so lost in her, lost in her scent and taste and visage.

Looking down at her eyes, her lips parted in an exquisite smile, he thrust himself into her.

"Fuck!" she moaned, pushing him deeper into her, greedily grasping at the muscles on his back as though she would drown otherwise. He couldn't agree more with her words; his breath was utterly stolen, lost as he felt his cock pulse inside her. It was the closest to the heavens he'd ever been: his blood surging, eyes trailing down on her face. She was the picture of pleasure, of radiance: his dark locks falling over her cheeks as he moaned and sighed, words lost on his lips with the joining of their souls. He'd never spoken during mating before; but with her, he was desperate to. Desperate to sing her songs, to tell her just how she moved him.

"You're so amazing, Kylo. You're so incredible".

He felt his lips part, brown eyes holding her image as though he might burn it into his mind.

"I-" he gasped, feeling her tremble as he thrust deeper, harder "you enchanted me. Bewitched - _fuck_ \- bewitched me. I'm yours".

And with that; he felt her body vibrate, muscles pushing and pulling at him as she reached her release. A sound escaped her lips that he swore he would never forget, a melody that he would always hold in his heart. And as he felt his heart swell, his body tense - he let go, let release take him as his cock filled her with hot liquid. His mind was a haze - his breath in turmoil. But he'd felt it in his mind as he mated with her, felt the way his heart had called to her. He'd already made her his in all but ceremony, and something made him desperate to seal it. Perhaps it was a moment of madness, but he couldn't bear the thought of this moment passing him - of knowing he'd found someone he truly couldn't live without. Mating occurred, sex and lust and need - but to have a _mate_ , a soul to bind yours to - well, that was a different thing entirely. That was permanent, consistent, indefinite.  And so the words came all at once, still in that haze as they stumbled from his lips:

"Bite me. On my shoulder" he pleaded, his fingers laced with hers as he traced the spot.

For her part; she didn't even hesitate. He wondered whether it was instinctual, whether his cum surging through her was telling her what to do, how to react. But her teeth moved to the spot he suggested, and she bit down as hard as she could in such a state. In return, he returned his front teeth to the skin at her shoulder, exaggerating the markings he had already made.

 _"_ Oh, _stars above_ ". It was absolute ecstasy, even without him being in his natural state. His body immediately responded to the bite: throwing his head into chaos as he reeled, warmth and security flooding him in equal need. He moved off of her with care, laying beside her and pulling the scraps of material over them both. Oh, fuck: even the brief movement of turning away from her to grasp materials made him feel ill and dizzy. He had heard about this happening, but no idea how overwhelming it was; how strongly his mind protested at the idea of even momentarily leaving her side.

His human seemed to equally feel the need: her arms seeking him and winding around his broad chest, pressing her cheek against his thrumming heart.

"Are we bonded, now? You and I?" she sounded more peaceful than he'd ever heard her, her voice showering him with affection.

He hummed in affirmation, planting a kiss on her hair. The softness tickled his lips; and he nuzzled into it, desperate to fill his nostrils with her scent.

"I am yours. From now, from this moment - until you banish me away, or one of us dies".

As she breathed softly against his chest, joy radiating from her soft skin: Kylo looked up at the stars. The sky was black as pitch, the crest of the night drawing near. He had mere hours before this was over - before he returned to the sea. Marked, indefinitely - by a human woman. The Court would be horrified. His mother would likely be pained. His world would be altered entirely.

And yet - as they held one another, their souls bared to one another - he knew he would rather spend an eternity in isolation as her mate than a lifetime without her.  
That had to mean something.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	6. Loving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is the same twice.

Kylo has been taught to believe dreams are not prophetic - the future is unwritten, no matter how much you might want to know what it holds. He knew Sea Witches who claimed they could tell you if you were destined for love or power based on shark entrails; but in truth, it all seemed a little much.

Still: Kylo held to sleep in desperation, begging for his dreams to have some basis, any basis in reality.

She was there; splashing on the rocks as she ran a comb through her hair. The sunlight scattered on the water; glittering like a thousand shells as the sky turned pink and gold. Laced at her shoulder blade was the most beautiful mark he'd ever seen - his mark, their mark. Woven intricately into her skin, dazzling in complexity from years of patient love, of constant claiming and re-claiming that spoke of a story they had knowingly written. He'd lay back against her hip; his tail dipping through the water, black scales dazzling in the dying sunlight.

She'd laugh: leaning in to kiss his forehead, shells woven through her hair chiming in the breeze. And in that moment, her own tail would flick lightly on the rock - beautiful in its iridescence, silvers and pinks and blues shifting as she playfully scolded him for something he'd said in Court.

His Princess. The most beautiful Princess he'd ever seen.

* * *

 

The tip of his nose tingled in the cool morning air; lashes fluttering as he swallowed. A sigh escaped his full lips as he tasted the sea breeze, the feeling of air against his face leaving him confused in his sleepy state. Was this still a dream? Surely-

He felt a stirring against his arms; moving warmth across his torso as he opened his eyes. It came flooding back to him in a symphony of memories as he saw her face. His human, his mate. The most beautiful woman in the world. Her lips parted slightly in her sleep, cheeks warm as her hair tumbled about her, framing her face. The materials covered them both, preserving their warmth from the cool sea air.

He felt a lick at his spine: a flash of pain as he lifted his head, staring at the sky. Pink streaks decorated a dawning sky, making Kylo's heart thump in despair. He had to leave soon; to leave her behind. To go through the searing pain of changing back as his bones re-knitted themselves, joints tearing and forming again. The pain was nothing compared to the ache of watching her stir against him, watching her and knowing it would soon be a memory to hold.

But oh; he couldn't help himself as he saw the mark emblazoned on her shoulder. It had taken so beautifully; the purple bruise now shadowed by silver filigree that weaved a story to her skin. Perhaps to humans it seemed to mean nothing at all, and just seemed to be a lovely pattern: but his people could read the marks to learn the stories. It told of how he'd saved her, how she'd cared for him; all the days they'd spent together in the sun. His changing, their marking. He leaned in to press his lips against it, and felt the warmth of her presence flood his being. He had never felt like this about anyone, not ever. Never in his wildest fantasies would he have envisioned such a wonderful thing could happen to him. His eyes dropped down to his own shoulder, the matching mark cool against his shoulder.

At least he'd have something to take with him, back into those murky depths.

"Kylo?" his mate sighed, stretching as she gave a little yawn. He felt his arm move as she did so, and pain shot through the bones of his fingers. Oh; why did this have to be so slow and uncomfortable?

A smile curved at his features as she blinked away sleep, and he nuzzled at her cheek with affection. The air in his lungs felt crackly; more foreign than it had last night. Not unpleasant, just...strange. Not quite sitting right in his chest.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, honey eyes inches from hers. She gave a nod in response; her expression making his heart sing. So full of need and warmth. Her eyes drifted to his shoulder, a slight gasp leaving her lips as her fingertips reached up to trace the filigree there. On contact, her hands felt warm, soothing against him. A feeling of completeness; that this was where he was supposed to be. 

"It's so beautiful", she whispered. "Like a tattoo".

Kylo wasn't too sure what a tattoo was, but he nodded anyway, dark tresses flicking his cheeks with the motion. On bending his head; his body shook, a shiver through his skin that made him whimper in pain. biting at him like poison in his veins. His human's face dropped in distress, and oh, no no. He didn't want her to see this - the misery that would overtake them both. He wanted to shield her from watching him, waiting for the sun to appear out over the horizon. She peaked up over the fabrics in the nest; and he saw the slightest hints of orange in the sky.

Time was not on his side.

"Even when you go back...we'll find a way. Even without this chance...we saw eachother before, right? It'll just be like before. I'll still see you. I'll come down every day".

Her words reminded him of something his father had once told him, years and years ago.

_"You can't ever go backwards, kid. It just doesn't work like that. Things don't change much, but we change. And nothing's ever the same way twice"._

At the time; Kylo had been young. He'd been so young, so optimistic. And he hadn't really understood what Han had meant. After all: the sun rises, the sun sets. The tides go in and out. Everything stays the same in some way, right? That was what Kylo had hated the most: the fact it was all the same, every day. Over and over.

But now: oh, he wished he was still a naive kid. Still frolicking in the waves, dreaming of the change he now had to deal with. He'd turn back, return to the ocean: and then what? You don't get to taste heaven and then go back to life knowing what that is. You don't get to pretend your heart didn't leap out of your chest, or that you didn't feel as though you were so high you'd never sink back down. And when he saw her again, it'd be like that: like looking at the sunlight through the waves. She'd be there, but not...not like this. Never like this.

"I'll stay with you" she breathed, wrapping her arms tightly at his chest. He sucked in a breath at the feeling of her bare skin on his - so sensitive now. Almost painful. But he pushed his lips to hers, feeling his eyes threaten something he was yet to understand. They ached with dryness, and he wasn't sure why he felt them blur this way; his vision clouded by seawater. Some strange sensation, stinging in the corners.

"Thank you" he croaked; his voice all wrong. Inflections darting everywhere. "This has been...the b-best night of my life".

She carded her fingers through his hair, sadness lingering at her features. She hummed something soft, making his whole body vibrate with the song. Beautiful. It was beautiful. Oh, he could never possibly regret choosing her for a mate. Loving, patient, kind. His soul was hers. His heart was hers.

Kylo cried out, pain shooting through his fingertips as he bit down on his tongue. Stars danced at his vision as he felt his bones stretching, skin moving on his hands to turn to webbing once more. Neptune, it  _hurt_. It was almost as though the pain wasn't just physical: but spiritual. A keening distance that made him hold his human closer than he thought he could. She was still humming, but the song sounded more urgent now; sadder. No, he didn't want her to see this. But he couldn't move; could hardly breathe. He was too keenly aware of the materials on his sensitive skin, making him feel as though he were being shocked all over. With a defeated moan, he buried his face into the crook of her neck; nuzzling at her mark to comfort him.

"I've got you" she cooed, her voice muffled by his dark hair.

He kisses her mark, and _oh fuck_ ; his whole body bucks involuntarily, mimicking the movement of a tail that isn't there yet. The warmth of the silver filigree on his tongue feels so right, so utterly and consolingly right. It's as though the gods have seen fit to tell him that yes; this is where he's supposed to be. He loves it. He loves her.

_He loves her._

"L-listen" he gasped, his lungs heaving as he tried to push out the air through his teeth. A rasp of pain escaped his mouth as his legs creaked, snapping like driftwood and knitting together again. It was so all-encompassingly painful that he couldn't help himself, his teeth breaking the skin of her mark in search for comfort, in search for just a fraction of that bliss he felt last night. It's not good practice to keep biting her like this: it'll just make them both more full of _want_ for longer, will just spur on this cycle of desire to mate and bite again. But in that moment: Kylo did not care enough to stop himself.

Endorphins flooded his system, and _yes_. Even as he was breaking apart; he felt her in his soul, guiding him onward. He tasted her blood in his mouth, and god. It was even better the second time, now that his body knew she was his.

 _"Kylo"_ she moaned, and the sound rippled through his changing body. Her voice was filled with emotion: pain, pleasure, lust. Love.

Of course! That was why he'd asked her to listen in the first place. Neptune, his thoughts were not making sense. He knew he had to get the words out before they were taken from him: time was short. So, so short. He shifted, and oh no - it didn't hurt so much anymore. Perhaps he should have been grateful, but as he moved to look at her face; he felt his tail shift under the materials, tickling his scales in a way that made him hiss in frustration.

"I..." he rasped "pl-ease. I...L...L...".

Fuck. Fucking fucking fucking fuck!

He slammed his webbed hand down on the side of the car; his strength making it shake and tremble beneath him. No! This wasn't fair! This wasn't _fucking_ fair!

He saw water spill from her eyes; cascading to her cheeks from all the sadness. He wanted to tell her - fuck, why hadn't he told her? He tried again, tried sounding it out, moving his lips in the right way, the right order. But the _sound_ he made - it was almost as though he could see her heart breaking as she heard it. A keening, futile whimper, no place or purpose to the wordless rasps that bounced from his tongue.

His human reached her fingers to his cheek; the sensation of it overwhelming him. Shooting through him like adrenaline. So many sensations, distracting him; bringing him away from his thoughts.

"It's alright" she smiled sadly, taking in his wild eyes "I love you, too".

Perhaps Kylo didn't know what crying was - who cried beneath the waves, after all? But in that moment: tears spilled down his cheeks, burning at his skin. He couldn't help himself as he crushed her to his chest, tail thrashing beneath the blankets as he sobbed into her shoulder. _I love you. I love you. I love you._ He wanted to lay here and whisper it into her neck until the sun burned out and the stars fell away to nothing. He wanted to tell the world, to sing songs of it until his voice gave out. But he couldn't do those things, because time had taken his voice from him. So instead, he pressed his lips back to the bruise on her shoulder, mouthing the phrase into the mark there as though he could imprint it onto her soul.

"I must admit" his beautiful mate laughed "I loved you in jeans, but fuck. I sure missed such a handsome tail".

 _Such a handsome tail._ He felt her peel back the materials on her nest, and oh Neptune. He was so thankful for it; one less sensation keening at his body. In playful retaliation to her comments, he twisted around on the nest; growling with a smile as he slapped her feet with the dark scales on his tail.

"Alright, alright!" she laughed, pursing her lips dangerously as she tried to fumble for something behind her. He groaned; holding her to him with ease, forcing her to stay in his tight grip. Even the thought of her leaving him for moments when they'd so recently bonded...Neptune, no. Just...one more moment. One more second. Please.

"Did you do this to me?" she mumbled, eyes catching in the dawn light "I feel weirdly dizzy when I get further away from you. Is that because you _bit me?_ "

 _Bit her?!_ It was a little more significant than just _biting her_ , thank you very much. Did she think he just...claimed every mermaid he met as a soulmate? Did she think this was just part of the agenda for his people? Day one: meet a nice girl, day two: mark her permanently and bind my soul to hers indefinitely? Because that was NOT what Kylo was about. If he didn't love her so much he might've tried to teach her a lesson. But instead: he just pouted and nodded, tail fin flicking at her feet in an attempt at flirtation. 

"Shit, but...you've...we've...got to go! It's the weekend! I've got work! I can't work if I've been...merman-bite-feverized!"

 _"Tell them you're sick. Tell them you're preoccupied. Tell them you're mine",_ he purred, his sadness dissipating in the wake of endorphins filling his bloodstream. Okay, so Kylo _definitely_ shouldn't have bitten her a second time. In hindsight, that was a really fucking stupid move; because now he's flustered with need and want to do it again. He could see why some couples who bonded spent months getting this out of their system; it could take that long to get over the sheer joy of the feeling. Happiness was addictive. Belonging was addictive.

His human huffed, staggering upward to grab her discarded clothes; Kylo let her go, a knowing smile at his lips as he felt his mind grow hazy, a pining in his gut as she tripped about trying to grab her things. She did manage to get her clothes on, which Kylo was surprised at: but the moment she pushed her leg through the last part of her shorts, she crumpled back to his side, her lips at his mark.

Oh, fuck. Yes. Much better. He gave a throaty chuckle, his nose at her hair.

"Screw you. I love you, but you're a jerk".

 _"I love you more"_ he rasped, curling and uncurling his tail fin in frustration. Was she going to leave? Seriously? Despair started to tinge his mind again; the small respite from their declarations now drawing to a close as reality dawned on him. He sighed at her shoulder, salty air making his lungs ache.

"This is going to _suck_ " she groaned, planting a kiss at his cheek as she stumbled up on her feet. Her face contorted; a grimace on her lips. Understatement: this was definitely going to suck. She didn't say much, but she slid around to the carriage of the car; Kylo suddenly felt waves of anxiety crushing him. Where had she gone? He leaned over his shoulder, webbed fingers gripping the metal edge as he felt the car vibrate.

Shit.

It started moving, and Kylo bared his teeth, grabbing the edge for dear life. What the fuck was going on? It started hurtling towards the ocean, its face turned away toward the cliffs. After several long moments of moving over the dunes, the car pulled up at the water's edge. Oh, wow. He could feel his body respond to the spray of the waves, so close now that he ached for them. Safe, cold.

Lonely.

His human stepped out of the carriage; her hand stroking the webbing of his own as she passed him. He huffed in a breath, hissing at her boldness.

_"Could you try not teasing me quite so much while you're about to leave? Please?"_

She smirked at his clicks and rasps; a knowing look on her face. Impossible and ridiculous. He might love her, but he swore it: one of those days, that smile was going to fucking kill him. He'd follow her anywhere, everywhere: too many places. It was, frankly, stupid - how quickly he'd fallen under her spell.

"Alright, pretty boy: this is your stop".

No. No, no, no. Fuck!

She pulled down the metal flap; and all he had to do was slide out. Sure, it wouldn't be graceful. But it wasn't hard, either. Just flip over, drag himself to the edge, slide into the water. Five seconds at most. Just three movements separating him from the ocean; from taking a breath of salty, comforting water. From home. From streaking through the sea bed; from actual, proper fish: not white seaweed-type paper and cloud nests.

But he didn't move, and so she crawled up to him on her hands and knees; shuddering as she got closer to him. He closed his eyes as her forehead met his; breathing in the silence as he felt her. Alive, warm, here. Human. _His_. 

_"Things don't change much, but we change. And nothing's ever the same way twice"._

"I'll find a way" she whispered, lashes fluttering in the dawn light "I will. I swear. I love you too much not to".

He nodded softly, dark locks catching in the breeze.

_"I love you so much. Whatever it takes. I'll figure this out. We'll figure this out"._

He didn't look back as he threw himself into the waves; salt water passing through his gills, making him cry out as it soothed him. But as his tail splashed through the current, carrying him further and further away: the mark on his shoulder ached in protest, his mind a dizzy haze. Oh, fuck: he had to go back. He had to. He couldn't do this. Fuck, fuck.

No.

He wouldn't solve this by waiting around: he had to do something.

_"You can't ever go backwards, kid."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT TOOK ME A WEEK BUT I DID IT  
> AND I LOOOOOVE IT  
> Honestly I love this chapter so much. It breaks me inside how much I love it.
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	7. Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too far to go back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly risen now, and the world lay spread before me.” 
> 
> \- Great Expectations, Charles Dickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: violence, minor torture related references, general anxiety feels and sadness

The thing about reading books is that sooner or later: you end up seeing yourself in the worn pages. You end up coming face to face with characters - bold, brash, romantic - and you find in them some little flecks of humanity. This worsens in the darkest times of your life: you find yourself clinging to words like a life raft in the storm. Something to escape the crushing weight of the water pressing on your soul.

It was Great Expectations that took your fancy in the autumn: your finger dipping into the warm water of your tea as you sifted through the pages in the cafe. It was a good job, for all it was worth. Something always smelled of hot cinnamon, and the little couches at the window gave a beautiful view of the waves. You'd spent more time than you'd meant to hanging out after your shifts, now: getting out of the house was hard. Harder still if Grandma wouldn't stop pestering you.

"New read?" Finn asked, leaning down to examine the title as he brushed down his apron. His eyes were always so bright: a kind soul. A beacon in the storm.

You shrugged.

"Trying to look cultured. Or just busy. Maybe both?" you hummed, a small smile on your face as you took a sip of your tea.

Finn's nostrils flared in agreeance, and he gave a muffled sigh as he sat down. It'd been a quiet month - but that was to be expected. Trade usually dipped around now, and picked up around winter: funky hot chocolates and weird teas warding off the crisp sea air.

"What's it about?" he asked, picking up your cup of tea from the saucer and taking a little sip. You rolled your eyes; placing the book face-down on the table as you stretched your legs a little.

"A coming of age story about an orphaned guy and his vague obsession with an alluring woman who won't ever love him. They're raised by a crazy old woman in a wedding dress".

Finn whistles.

"You've really gotta stop reading such depressing shit".

Your eyes widen, throwing your hands up into the air mockingly.

"It's not depressing! It's beautiful! It's the triumph of the human spirit! It's about the overpowering nature of selfless love!"

"Oh?" Finn mused, leaning back on his chair and clasping his fingers together "and I suppose you're the alluring female aristocrat?"

You scoffed; feeling ice-water in your veins as you felt Finn appraise you. He was good at this - good at getting the truth out of you. Even when you didn't want to give it at all - he was cunning like that. Maybe even a little devious.

"Don't be ridiculous" you muttered "I'm the hopeless romantic who got caught up in believing the sob story".

Finn's features softened: his brown eyes crinkling as he took your hand in his. You could see his pain was genuine; of course it was. You'd cried on his shoulder too often for him not to know how much your heart was breaking - even if you couldn't tell him everything. Even if there were things you had to swallow down, to bite in your mouth like acidic fruit. Even if he didn't know why you'd stopped walking on the shoreline, holding the soft skin on your shoulder and waiting.

"Its only been a month" Finn smiled sadly. "Things come up, you know? Maybe he got sick or something. Or his phone broke".

You smirked at his last few words: ridiculous, all of it. It wasn't like you could call. You couldn't drop in and visit; no texts or emails. You'd tried swimming out to sea at one point, ducking your head under the water with old scuba goggles. Nothing - not even so much as a little shark, or the faintest trace of civilisation. You didn't know how far out he'd be, or if he'd be anywhere nearby at all. And you'd kept trying - kept going to the shore. Waiting. Holding the mark on your shoulder, feeling the warmth of the silver filigree as you stared out into the horizon.

_"I am yours. From now, from this moment - until you banish me away, or one of us dies"._

You wanted to believe it.

"I've waited a long time. I don't mind the waiting, weirdly - it's the not knowing. It's the feeling in my chest like nothing fits right. Like he's not coming back."

_Like he changed his mind._

"Hey, listen..." Finn starts, giving your hand a gentle squeeze "let's get out of here. Take your mind off of this mess. I hear old man Tobias Snoke has some new attraction he's dithering on about down by the pier. Wanna go take a look? I'll pay".

You sigh.

 

Tobias Snoke was the shadiest guy you'd ever seen. Some of the folks at the local pub claimed he used to be a headmaster or something - just before he lost his marbles. The guy had this habit of opening up exhibits on the town's dime, showcasing anything from a supposed crate of sea monsters (that turned out to be very bright snakes) to 'magic trinkets' that did sweet fuck all. You had to admit - present experiences had made you less skeptical of his whole charade. But Snoke was a fraudster - straight up. Still, something about his little tents and tanks of curios kept you entertained, even if it was just you and Finn humoring the village outcast.

"Fine. Fine! But it's your funeral when you get scammed again".

Stumbling out the door, you pushed your battered novel into the crook of your elbow, Finn following and fumbling at the keys to close up. Clouds dotted the horizon, rolling in as the bracken on the cliffs bit at your legs. The sea was tinged with grey, almost as though the life and colour in the landscape had been drowned out. You hated thinking like that - you were a grown woman, capable and strong. You weren't going to spend your life wasting after someone who wasn't coming back for you. But you couldn't deny how much it _hurt_. How sometimes you'd hold that blue shirt he'd worn on the beach and press it to your chest, and you'd feel the familiar ache on your shoulder - your biology tricking you into thinking he was close by.

Finn kept a steady pace of conversation as you made your way to the pier - his newest love affair with some hotshot pilot. The near miss he had the other day in his old Chevy. You kept it polite as your feet scuffed on the path, approaching the striped tents that heralded the edge of the fairground. It was deathly quiet: no doubt the crisp air keeping away the fairgoers. A roughly painted sign heralded the end of your journey.

"Snoke" Finn nodded to the man in question, brushing his hands against the tent coats. Snoke's face was worn down from years of scowling; wisps of white hair and a permanent sneer making him look leathery and pained. Despite that lack of care, he always seemed well-dressed: ever the businessman.

"We're closed" Snoke muttered; kicking at a tent peg with his shining boot.

"Serious?" Finn asked.

Snoke gave him a steely look.

"Closed. Need to prepare for tomorrow".

Your head tilted upward, a faint breeze pricking at your skin. What was this feeling in your gut, twisting like knives as you heard the old man speak? Something that made your hair stand on end; like a warning from afar. Or a call, perhaps. Insistence somewhere deep in your lungs; a feeling you'd only felt when Kylo first pressed that mark to your skin, and you'd moved away. Dizziness clouded your thoughts, but you couldn't ignore the sign. 

Something was wrong.

"What's tomorrow?" you chimed in; your voice almost a growl. Heavy. Dark.

"New attraction opening" Snoke grins, his smile toothy and menacing "it'll make me filthy rich. Rich enough to buy the whole town".

No. No no no. You have to leave. Something isn't right.

But your hands wander into your pockets; and you pull out a roll of twenties. You're lucky - you'd just been paid, and had withdrawn it all to pay off a few things in town. But your priorities were shifting quickly; and you needed to know for sure. Needed to know this feeling was just a pang in your stomach...not an omen.

"Show us" you swallowed thickly, handing Snoke five twenties. His hands were cold as you slid the money into his palm; and Finn's eyes looked like they were going to blow out of his head.

You thought Snoke would palm you back the cash - but he didn't. He checked it, eyeing you suspiciously. The guy was easier to manipulate than you'd thought, which worked in your favour as he opened up the tent flap to let you in, and you escorted Finn into the darkness.

And boy was it dark - lights barely illuminating the rows of stands and tanks that glowed with an eerie presence. Pickled skulls, oddly bent spoons, strange fish skeletons: it was a shop of horrors, to be sure. You could see why the tourists loved it, though. Several tanks had interesting looking exotic fish inside; although admittedly, the little guys would probably much prefer to be swimming on the reef. Finn remarked on the creeping feeling in his spine every time you came here; but this time, it was you who was shaking. Something hurt, deep in your bones - egging you forward, pushing you to the bigger skeletons, the scarier fish that were mounted on the wall.

"Holy fuck!" Finn cried out, his hand reaching to steady himself on the table "You've got to see this!"

And that was when the penny dropped; your whole body burning as you felt yourself cry out. Your book fell to the floor, pages splayed as you moved through the room.

He looked like he was dying. You weren't sure how you could tell: but he wasn't moving. Floating in the tank with his eyes squeezed shut; his scales torn and bloodied. You could see a thick gash running from his torso up to his temple; angry, red. He was much too pale, and one of his eyes looked painfully bruised. Black hair seemed limp on his head, even through the water; though it was murky and dark, with no room at the top for any oxygen. He was beautiful, truly beautiful; and he was dying. Withering. Like a flower left to wilt in the dark.

 _"Kylo"_ you sobbed, collapsing at the edge of the glass and pressing your fingers to the surface. It was cool to your touch; and the mark on your shoulder ached bitterly, biting at your skin in a way that made you feel like you were going to be sick.

"Is this..." Finn choked "is this a prank? This can't be...can't be real. Can't be that guy you...you said..."

You could barely even hear Finn's voice through the sound of your rasping sobs; making your whole body hurt as you shook and shook. How? How had this happened? He was strong - stronger than anyone you'd ever met. Tall and strong and powerful. And he'd been caught, and tortured, and locked away.

Your fault.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Snoke asks, strolling through the room with his hands clasped firmly behind his back. "I found it tangled in a trawler net a few weeks ago. Weakened and subdued. Primitive thing: it can't speak, can't retaliate. It just floats like that. Sometimes it opens its eyes, and it almost looks human. But it's more animal than man - a thing. Easily tamed."

Anger boiled in your veins like absolute grit; your heart pounding in your throat as you reel, biting back angry tears in a snarl.

"His name is Kylo" you spit "he's not an animal! He's a person! He's intelligent and powerful and good! AND YOU'VE TAKEN HIM FROM ME!"

You scream, lashing out at Snoke and grabbing the nearest plaque, throwing it at his head. He ducks, and it smashes against the wall, pieces flying everywhere. Finn loops his hands around your waist as you struggle against his grip, desperate growls leaving your lips. You've never felt like this: never felt this rage. Unstoppable. Burning. An uncontrolled desire to see your mate freed from this horrible prison, from this evil little man.

"You-" Snoke spits, acid in his tone "you insolent little-"

But this time, it's Finn who takes matters into his own hands. Jacket sleeves rolled up, he lets go of you just long enough to land a solid blow to Snoke's nose. The old man tries to duck, but it's futile as the sound hits your ears, blood gushing from his disheveled nostrils. He staggers back, falling onto the tables with the shock of being punched so harshly.

"You get him out" Finn nods, breathing hard "whatever you've gotta do. I'll deal with the old fucker".

Feeling like something from an action movie, you watch as Finn grabs Snoke by the collar and drags him toward the tent's exit. But you've got bigger matters; and you evaluate the tank, trying earnestly to see if there's a lever to open it. You circle the vat, finding a series of small pipes and valves. Somehow, one of these must open it up. 

"Hang in there, pretty boy" you groaned, testing the valves. The first one seemed to do nothing; the crust of rust on the pipes telling you it was likely a bust. The second, with a combination of relief and utter shock, opened one of the sides of the tank; covering you in an unholy amount of water as you cried out. Everything washed around; the tent almost collapsing under the pressure of the water as the curios about the shop were knocked from their podiums.

You gasped for breath as you blinked off the mucky water; examining the now empty tank with a faint appraisal.

Somewhere near the other side of the tent; you heard a raspy groan.

"Kylo!" you cried out; vaulting over some fallen skulls and ornaments as you made your way to him. You were soaked through, angry as hell, terrified; but so incredibly relieved. He was alive. Genuinely alive. You skidded on the watery floor as you saw Kylo's tail curling and uncurling weakly; his breath coming in raspy pants that sounded unhealthy. He eyed you with a look of blatant panic, confusion; as though you weren't quite real. As you approached, he pushed away from you: hissing wildly through his teeth.

You wish it hadn't hurt you - but it did. It made your heart burn, looking at his glassy eyes. Brown depths marked on you as though you were a stranger. A creature.

"It's me" you sniffed, a sad smile on your face. "Kylo, it's me. It's okay. Let me help you".

Kylo tried to breathe through his gills; and you heard him splutter, clutching his throat. His dark hair began to dry, as quickly as it always had; curling at the nape of his neck in soft waves. He thumped his dark tail against the floor of the tent, conveying an emotion you didn't recognise too well. 

With shaking hands, you pulled at the fabric of your shirt; revealing the silver markings at your shoulder. Little mandalas of colour, shining against your skin. You regarded his with equal care, the matching filigree beautiful to the eye. He seemed to take notice of this action; his chapped lips trembling a little as he eyed you warily. You scooted forward slowly, kneeling beside him on the wet tarp floor. His eyes met yours; and in that moment, you saw the flicker of recognition. 

_"I'll find a way" you whispered, lashes fluttering in the dawn light "I will. I swear. I love you too much not to"._

 

 "I told you" you said, tears stinging your cheeks "I love you too much not to".

Kylo's lips rasped a whimper, his arms reaching out for you with a sudden movement. You almost fell into him; letting him crush you to his chest, his tail thrashing as he pushed his lips to the mark on your neck. He said something, you realise; but his lungs are still too weak to make out the inflections. It's something endearing, you think. Something loving. You moved your hands to cup his cheek, lightly brushing your lips against his. And predictably, even in the state he's in, he moaned against your lips. You always forget how sensitive he is to touch; and you worried you were overwhelming him with this little welcome party.

"We need to get you somewhere safe" you chuckled, feeling his webbed fingers sweep back your hair in a frighteningly human gesture. "There's a wheelbarrow out front. Should work to get you back to the sea".

Kylo rasped something, his teeth scraping at the skin on your mark, nipping it lightly and making you feel a sudden rush of pleasure.

"Oh my god" you hummed, shivering with bliss "can you keep it in your pants for five minutes? You nearly died! You went missing! I was worried sick!"

Kylo's face crinkled in concern; but you can see how his pupils are blown out by the endorphins in his system. One of these days - he was going to kill you. Or himself. Both, maybe. Maybe both.

"God, I'm so glad to have you back" you smiled; warmth flooding your voice as you pressed a kiss to his temple.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "To the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may." - also Great Expectations.
> 
> Hard chapter to write, but I felt it needed to be done to build into the next chapter. Sorry if it's a little harrowing!
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	8. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to what you love with all you've got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: NSFW AGAIN HECK YEAH. Who would I be to deny merman / human sex?  
> Mentions of injury, implied kidnapping (from previous chapter)

Kylo wasn't sure he'd been in such a sorry state in all his life.

Grasping at the edges of the 'wheelbarrow', his tail draped over the edge as his beautiful human tried to navigate the bumpy path. He felt helpless; his body heavy as he tried to rasp for breath. Everything span - his body denied oxygen for too long to let him heal.

"If anyone asks" she huffed, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as her hair whipped her face in the wind "we're practicing for the village pantomime. Shakespeare has mermaids, right?".

Kylo grimaced; the wound running across his chest stinging bitterly. He gingerly brought one of his fingers down to the gash, and hissed unceremoniously. Oh, fuck: it was still open, still dangerously weakening him. He'd be deformed now: an ugly scar tearing through his chest, marring the sharp features of his face. It wasn't seemly for a Prince to have such scars; but more than anything, he despared that his beautiful mate might reject him, in some way. Find another mate to hold close - one with more strength and guile than him.

One that didn't find defeat in the maws of a fishing net.

"No, Kylo. You'll hurt yourself" she breathed, stopping her movements to grasp his wrist and push it down to the edge of the metal wheelbarrow. At her touch, his body tensed; warmth shooting through him like lightning in his veins. Oh, how he missed that; in those long nights, consumed by dreams of her skin. Consumed by the thought that he'd never leave that little tank.

 _"I've missed you so much"_ Kylo rasped; laying his head back against the handles. His hair fell across the edge of the metal; his dark eyes gazing dreamily at her. Even from this angle, staring up at her as her cheeks grew red and she huffed out a breath; she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He felt a swell of pride in his chest: and a sudden blooming of safety, too.

But her head whipped around; panic filling Kylo's lungs as the wheelbarrow ground to a halt, his tail flopping gracelessly with the sudden deceleration. In front of him stood a stone dwelling: little stones and coloured sea-glass decorating a pathway. And all of a sudden, a young man skidded to her side - his breath ragged as he bit his dark lip. Kylo's panicked eyes darted from his human to this newcomer; feelings of intense anxiety welling up in his chest.

"Holy _shit_ " the male human barked "I convinced myself on the jog up here that I was tripping out. That there'd been something in the tea or whatever" he licked his lips. "But that's a fucking mermaid. On your porch".

Kylo's hands tightened around the metal edges of the wheelbarrow; his eyes set on this stranger who was appraising him with plain-faced shock.

"Finn, focus!" his human demanded, giving the man - Finn - a light shove. "Where's Snoke?"

Finn swallowed heavily; shaking his head as though to relieve himself from some sort of stupor.

"He scampered off not long after I went full Tarantino on his nose. He's a scumbag - but he's also a coward. He won't come within a hundred feet of you in this lifetime; not if he wants to keep his fingers".

His human made a noise of appreciation, her hands reaching out to wrap around Finn's waist in a gesture of goodwill. Kylo couldn't help the sudden onset of jealousy - causing him to bite down on his lip as he felt his face flush with annoyance. He'd only just seen her again, and now this guy was going to have his hands all over Kylo's mate? Not on his watch! His tail thumped against the metal sharply, making him wince a little in pain as he grabbed their attention.

 _"Hands to yourself, asshole!"_ Kylo hissed; watching as his mate peeled herself away from Finn's embrace with a coy smile on her lips. Finn looked more than a little frightened by the sudden outburst of rasps and hisses; which made Kylo feel more than a little smug.

"Is he..." Finn paused, wide-eyed "can he understand us? Or communicate? I mean, I imagined he'd just either be a fish or speak some fluent ancient Latin".

Kylo rolled his eyes, huffing a breath and slumping downward. Kylo could speak just about anything; that was the beauty of magic. Humans were so ridiculously primitive. This gesture seemed to get through to Finn, whose eyes grew comically wide at a gesture that so clearly transcended the human-merperson language barrier. Kylo's beautiful mate gave a light chuckle; moving her hand to card softly through the black waves of Kylo's hair. Instinctively, he leaned into her touch; growling at the way it made him want to bite down on the tender skin at her shoulder.

Neptune; he'd never get used to being touched like this.

"Look, I've got to get him down to the beach before a storm rolls in-" she started, lifting the handles slightly and making Kylo's heart stutter in his chest.

"Woah, woah!" Finn interjected; his hand reaching down to stop her movements. Kylo's eyes shot around; a hiss escaping his plush lips, teeth bared as he tried to contort his face into a snarl. There might be a linguistic issue, but the message was simple: _hands off my girl before I rip off your thumbs._

Finn staggered backward; hands splayed in mock surrender.

"You can't dump him back into the ocean!"

"What?" his human asked, her tone incredulous.

 _"What?!"_ Kylo demanded.

"Look, I'm not a marine biologist, but that wound looks infected. The saline in the water will help, but judging by how long he was unconscious for; he's probably running on adrenaline right now. You send him back in there without antibiotics, $50 says he just ends up washing up again" Finn bites his lip. "And this time, don't think old man Snoke won't happily display a corpse."

Kylo didn't understand even half of what Finn was saying; but the words he recognised filled him with a sense of pervading dread. He had no intention of becoming an exhibit again; and certainly not a pickled corpse like the other poor creatures he'd witnessed in that little prison. If he was nearer to home, he could seek out help - use a little ground coral to make a paste and clear up his wound. But given the shooting pain in his tail, there was no way he'd have the strength to get passed the sandbar.

His human sighed; rubbing her wrist and looking down at Kylo.

"You're right, annoyingly. I'll take him inside; get his wounds cleaned up and some food in him. Can you keep an eye on everything else? Make sure nobody's actually giving credit to the old coot?"

Finn winks.

"Go to the pub and oversee the comings and goings in the village? Now _that_ I can do."

* * *

 

Kylo's teeth chittered as the room span; the nest he was resting on painfully ticklish on his skin. The walls were sea blue, draped with funny portraits and strange baubles that were too foreign for him to understand. Weavings and clothes were folded on wooden storage-chest-things, with a big mirror on the wall facing him. Little symbols and stickers dotted the edge - small portraits and seashells scattered about.

He used his elbows to support himself as he took a good look at himself in the glass, his dark eyes appraising the damage to his body.

His hair hung more limp on his forehead than usual: dark waves biting at his frightfully pale skin. The flesh around his right eye was a mosaic of colours; plum purples and sickly yellows, making him look more sallow than he'd ever seen himself. He'd lost some muscle mass, he remarked; the red scar running across his body looking puckered and angry. He despaired most for his tail, though - the thing he loved most. Dislodged scales and a torn fin made him look scrappy; the usually radiant quality of his scales looking dull and lifeless.

Kylo gave a little whimper, running his webbed fingers through his hair in an effort to calm himself. Leaning back against the materials, he turned his head and groaned into a pillow; breathing in the calming scent of his beautiful mate. Her scent filled the roof of his mouth, making his breathing more regulated, his feverish shivers more controlled.

"Are you alright?" she asked, entering the room with armfuls of bottles and tubes. Human medicines, he assumed. She bit her lip, concern flooding her expression as she placed the bottles down on the little storage-chest-thing beside him.

She shook her head, sighing. "Of course you're not. Stupid question."

Kylo's eyes traveled to hers weakly; a shiver wracking his body as he gave a forced smile.

 _"All that matters is I'm here now. You're here. We'll get through this",_ he rasped.

She gave a melodic laugh; laced with sadness but nonetheless beautiful. Of course she couldn't understand him - but that had never stopped him before. She sat beside him, fumbling at a piece of material in her hands. Gently, she soaked it in a bowl of water, the sound making Kylo's brow twitch in interest. With one gentle movement, she pressed the towel to his temple: eliciting a hiss as he felt the cool wetness against his face.

"Oh my god" his human whispered, her fingertips tracing at his cheekbones as she held it there. "You're ridiculously warm. How do you feel?"

Kylo blew air from his bottom lip, letting his heavy eyelids flutter as he shuddered in response.

 _"Great"_ he remarked, tone slick with sarcasm. _"Just perfect"._

His human made a sound; giving him a little push in the arm.

"Don't use that tone with me! I just saved your life!" she chuckled, reaching for one of the bottles with one hand. The white capsules made a scratchy sound against the plastic, and she poured two into her palm and offered them to him, along with a glass full of...water?

"Put these in your mouth and wash them down with the water. They'll hopefully bring down your fever".

Kylo wasn't convinced by the little white things, but he wasn't in much of a position to argue. Pushing them onto his tongue, he took the glass and poured the contents into his mouth; opening his gills as he tried to wash them down.

Immediately, he choked: spluttering as his body rejected the offering outright. The water tasted appalling in his lungs, and he felt as though his body was in a state of exhausted confusion about how  to proceed with the situation. Somehow, though: they'd appeared to have gone down the right way. Or a way, at least - whether they'd end up coming back to haunt him was left an open-ended question as he wiped the drops of water from his mouth.

"That could've gone better" his mate shrugged, fumbling at wrappings. "I'm going to bandage you up. I know this is a..." she swallowed, a light blush dusting the bridge of her nose that made Kylo's heart sing. "Well...I know you're sensitive. Just try to keep as still as you can, alright? I don't want you tearing a scab open out of impatience".

Oh. _Oh._

Kylo huffed out a breath as he tensed the muscles in his body: straining to keep his tail still on the nest as she readied herself, pouring a paste onto her fingertips. Neptune's sake! He wished this wasn't so ridiculously difficult. He wished upon all wishes he could have that human body back, just for a little while. To not feel so _electrified_ by her that his breath caught in his lungs, his tail craning upward in apprehension of her touch. What she did to him - she'd never possibly comprehend it. Almost as though her fingertips were fixed from starlight and desire.

 _"Be quick"_ he shuddered, his mouth watering.

She gave a soft smile, her fingertips starting at the top of the cut; just above his eyebrow. He hissed in pain, her delicate fingers tucking his hair out of the way as she slowly applied the thin paste to the lighter wound, carefully moving to cover the area. Kylo sucked in a raspy breath: his body trembling as her hands moved to the deeper part across his torso. Her fingertips brushed the edge of his mark, and a moan escaped his lips: his body igniting, burning with a reaction he couldn't suppress.

 _"Fuck...can you just..."_ Kylo's torso rippled, tail twitching suggestively as he bit down on the soft skin of his lip. _"Be less suggestive with this?"_

"Stop rasping at me", she panted. Her eyes were dark, her pupils blown wide as her shoulders seemed to move of their own accord. Desire was plain on her face; her cheeks full of colour as the endorphins in her bloodstream told her the same things they were telling him: to lean forward and give in to belonging, no matter how ill-advised it was.

But his ridiculous human didn't dare indulge them; removing a sticky strip from the back of the bandage and smoothing it onto his skin. It stung a little on contact, and his brow furrowed as she continued, trailing across his stomach to the dislodged scales at his hip.

At the contact there, Kylo's hips bucked; his eyes rolling back into his head as he felt the intense pleasure of her fingers on his scales after _so long_. _Too long._

"Kylo" his human moaned; her voice oscillating somewhere between deep frustration and unending want. "I haven't...you need to..."

Kylo squeezed his eyes shut, nodding his head in understanding and trying to control himself. How many merpeople were there in the Court? One-hundred and seven? One-hundred and...oh fuck, Neptune, oh shit. This wasn't working. This wasn't...

He let out a groan, his stupid, ridiculous biology taking over. The scales that kept his cock from view were straining so desperately that he felt them part: he gulped in a breath as he felt the air against the tender skin. Already painfully hard; needy and wanting and begging for her touch. He felt the blood pooling at his cheeks as he chewed the inside of his cheek, looking anywhere but at her wandering fingers. Anywhere but her eyes; now staring at him with plain-faced shock as she took him in.

A moan escaped her lips; want and need eclipsing all else. With a careful movement, she climbed to straddle his tail; the pressure of her bare skin against his scales making his cock bead with precum, a whimper on his tongue. Her lips crashed to his; his mind singing out as he licked into her mouth:

_My mate. My beautiful mate. My whole world._

His webbed fingers found purchase at her hips; pushing up her shorts to feel as much of her as he could, to see and hold everything, anything.

"Let me take care of you" his pretty thing added, her eyes sparking like the most beautiful seaglass. Her hair fell around her face as she wiggled out of her underwear; tossing it aside as she removed the layers of fabric covering her body. Kylo could do nothing but take her in, bask in her beauty. And when her clothes fell away, and the silver filligree of her mark was bare to his eyes: he gave a ravenous moan, pulling her close and pushing his lips to it demandingly.

"Let me this time" she whimpered, her fingertips moving to the space between her legs as she teased him. He was at her mercy so entirely, so wholly; he felt as though he were back on the beach that very first day, the tide pulling him closer to the shore as he tried to resist. Tried, endlessly tried, to convince himself his curiosity at her was to no avail.

With a gentle push, she sank down onto his cock; making him cry out in pleasure as the world stopped turning. His tail thrashed, stinging for the sake of his dislodged black scales; but he could hardly think of it. Not while he was rippling from pleasure. Not while his blood was alight with this all-encompassing bliss that threatened to drown him.

"Fuck, Kylo! You're...fuck, so much bigger like this. I don't even - shit - I don't even know how that's..." she swallowed thickly; slowly thrusting as tears beaded at the corner of her eyes. Her whole body seemed to be captured by the feeling; better than anything he'd ever experienced. More heavenly than he'd ever thought possible.

"Please! Neptune, gods, I can't believe I ever lived without this!" he cried out; his hands snaking up to pull her closer, to bring her to his lips.

But all at once; her eyes were thrown open, her body pausing mid-thrust, eliciting a whimper from his lips.

"What is it?" Kylo asked; pouting his lips with want.

"I can..." she laughed, the sound prickling his spine. "You're speaking! I can..." she gasped, shifting slightly in a way that made them both moan.

"You're serious? You can hear me?"

She clapped a hand to her lips, suppressing a smile as she nodded.

Oh fuck. Oh thank the gods. He had no idea how - no idea what this was. But he'd be fucked if he'd look a gift-seahorse in the mouth.

I mean, he'd be fucked regardless - but that wasn't the point.

"Gods, sweetheart, this is...too good, so good, I need you to-" Kylo rambled, his mouth turning upward at the corners in sudden, trembling love. Slowly, she pushed against him again; her wet heat on his cock making him cry out with ecstasy.

"I love you so much, Kylo. Can I try-" she swore, biting down on her lip as a whimper escaped it "-can I try biting you this time?"

He swore he must've misheard. His cock twitched at the mere thought; a dream, too good to properly contemplate. She wanted to bite _his_ mark this time: oh fuck. The very idea was so beautifully intimate that Kylo's tail curled in on itself, brushing against her back with the force of the movement.

"Please, yes! Oh, gods, do I love you!" Kylo's eyes nearly rolled back; feeling a familiar building in the pit of his stomach.

"If you do-" he moaned "fuck, I don't think I'll be able to keep going. I'm so - fuck - so close".

She squeezed her lashed eyes shut, leaning down to press a sloppy kiss to his lips. 

"Me too" she huffed, burying her lips into the crook of his neck. His whole body spasmed with the sudden contact; knowing what was coming next. Craning for release-

"FUCK!" Kylo cried out, his entire body burning from the inside out as he writhed against her teeth. Endorphins flooded him as he came, his vision a white-hot blur of absolute bliss. He felt her cunt clench around him as she groaned against his skin; cum dripping down her thighs as he felt himself push out more and more. It was endless, endless bliss; pleasure in its purest form.

She collapsed against him, and he softly felt her ease off of him, causing both of them to shudder from the stimulation. His webbed fingers slid around her waist, pulling her close as he breathed in the scent of her hair. Her lips smattered kisses against the filigree at his shoulder; every one filling him with joy and pride.

"I love you more than anything" his beautiful human mate sighed. "More than anything in the world. When I thought you'd left, I..." she swallowed, nuzzling into him.

He pressed his lips softly against her nose; trying to comfort her as best he could.

 _"I'll never leave you again"_ he rasped; but as the words left his lips he heard them in his whistled voice once more. He curled one hand into a fist in frustration, sinking his teeth into it to bite back a frustrated cry. What were the rules here?! Was he destined to keep rising and falling like this?

His pretty little human looked up at him; a cheeky smile on her face.

 _"What?"_ Kylo asked, feeling a smirk rising on his lips.

"Can I only understand you when we're having sex? Is that the new 'thing'?" she asks, cocking her brow "perhaps we'll have to test that one".

He chuckled, nosing at her hair as his tail curled and uncurled, already feeling a little less painful and sore.

But as he reveled in the silence of the room, his heart singing with love; he heard the pattering of rain on the glass windows. Slow at first, then faster, more urgent. The storm rolling in from the horizon, bringing with it a breeze that carried whispers on the wind. So quiet, he could barely make them out at first: the melody of lips, the intake of watery breath. Words that made no sense to him yet; that held no weight on his memory.

_"Regard the end."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic goes from 0 to 60 pretty quick a lot and I don't know how it happens. I wasn't even planning on making this chapter NSFW but it just started heading that way so I winged it.
> 
> Anyway, I've now got a stable plot for this fics ending. I've scattered clues throughout the text. You may need to do some research to figure them out! 
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	9. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Most Holy Spirit! Who didst brood  
> Upon the chaos dark and rude,  
> And bid its angry tumult cease,  
> And give, for wild confusion, peace;  
> Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,  
> For those in peril on the sea"
> 
> \- Eternal Father, Strong to Save

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to forget before you can remember.
> 
> CW: read the tags I've added above. It's a heavy chapter. Bring tissues. I sort of want to be as vague as possible, but uh...it's very sad, there's a lot of graphic depictions of illness and sadness and grief. I know this is heavy but for the story arc to work I had to do this. Trust me that this is probably the heaviest chapter you'll get, and that there will be more chapters after this, and I will care for you through those.

You read once, long ago - every tragedy starts off in the same way as a fairtytale.

 

It's not that you ever cared much for those sorts of stories. Shakespeare was something to study in English class; it never really gripped you. Not the way your own story had, anyway. Not in the way you'd found peace with your own tale.

So if you had to tell it; perhaps it'd go a little something like this:

Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a merman. He saved her from drowning, and in return: she saved him from a future of loneliness. A future he never really wanted for himself; even if he could have learned to make peace with it. And they were happy, even if there were more reasons why it was madness than all the stars in the sky. But it didn't matter, did it? They had eachother, after all. And then she saved his life, peeling him from the darkness of a man who wanted to exploit his beauty and his wonder. She took him to a safe haven; nursed him as best as she could. He recovered, and he stayed. And they found a way to defy all odds; to make their love a bastion to beat back the world that seemed to want them parted.

And they both lived happily ever after. 

If you had to tell it: that would be the version you'd tell.

You never cared much for tragedy, after all.

 

* * *

_"Kylo?! Fuck! Stay with me! No, nonono. Open your eyes!"_

Where was he? Was there...was he dreaming? He could hear voices; swimming through his mind like waves against the rocks. Distant and rippling and very far away: real and not real, old and new. Voices he'd never heard before - voices that made no sense to him. He tried to call out; tried to find some sense of place. But he couldn't remember. Couldn't think through the dizzying push of the current against him. It felt...peaceful. Warm. Welcoming him home, somehow.

_"Well; I'd ask where you've been, but I'm not sure I'd like the answer"._

_"Grandma is going to flip her lid when I tell her I wrecked the boat..."_

_"Finn?! I know it's early but I don't know what's wrong with him...h-he's not conscious, he keeps coughing up blood..."_

_"You're planning on selling the BMW? What's the year on that thing, 87?"_

86, he thinks. It was an 86. A 3-series. His dad got it for him as a graduation present; second hand, but it was a smart little runner. He wasn't much of a driver: his feet were clumsy on the pedals, see. Fingers always slipped past the 10 and 2, clammy hands on the sticky plastic. 

_"Shit. That's wild. Can't believe Leia's letting you get away with it". Hux made a face; screwing up his nose in a way that made his eyes look even beadier. The champagne glass in his hand fizzed a little from the rocking motion - golden liquid straining at the flute. He was a killjoy - always had been. Ben had been lucky; born into the right family, they told him. Undeserving. Ungrateful. And maybe he was. And what? He was doing his fucking best, wasn't he? It's not like he wanted to be here. Not like he'd even wanted to study Commerce anyway._

_Not like anyone cared what he wanted._

_"She's trying to appeal to my better nature. Hoping I'll..." Ben made a gesture with his hands: clicking his teeth as he tipped his head back and forth. Dark hair whipped his face with the sea breeze, spray kicking up from the bow some stories below._

_Hux gave a snort; lip curling._

_"With that archaeologist girl? What is she, nineteen?"_

_Ben shrugged; adjusting the collar of his jacket as he pressed his champagne flute to his plush lips. He could hear the clinking of glasses somewhere inside: the huge ship creaking as it moved through the ocean. He hated the sea - hated it. Just his luck he'd be born into this fucking family legacy._

_"Rich is what she is. Her parents made a fortune on the stock market, or something. Died in a car accident. She got the lot."_

_"Well...I could always take a pop, if you're not invested"._

_Ben's brow creased, lips curving upward at the hint of a smile._

_"Do what you want. When this ship docks; I'm out of here. They all know it. Mom's just trying to find a reason to keep me on side - but honestly, I can't be fucked with it. It's not my fault Dad left. She owns a whole fleet of liners for fuck's sake. I'm not about to get stuck living someone else's dream; not when I can make my own way now". Ben licked his lips, staring out at the horizon. The pinks and yellows of the sunset dotted the thin line between the sky and the sea: between one world and another._

_He knew which one he'd rather be aiming towards._

_Hux barked a laugh, red hair fluttering as he raised a toast._

_"To your shitty future, Benjamin Organa"._

_Ben looked on; raising his glass in his oversized hand, clinking it lightly against his friend's outstretched flute._

_"Soon it'll be Ben Solo. And from there - it'll be whatever I want it to be"._

* * *

 

"I...I don't know" you sobbed, running the back of your hand against Kylo's forehead. It was radiating such heat you could hardly stand to touch it: his lips nearly white against his skin. He'd been getting better, hadn't he? He'd been fine when he'd fallen asleep: curled up against you, smiling against your skin as the TV played old re-runs. He'd seemed contented - happy. But now; now he was panting, gasping - blood dripping from his lips, the wounds on his body all oozing, all puckered. Every single one.

Over the other end of the phone, you could hear Finn jogging: hear the gravel crunching underfoot.

"It..." he huffed "Sounds like his infection has taken a turn. But if it has, it's sudden. It's really sudden. Check his fingertips. Have they changed colour?"

You groaned; clutching the mark on your neck as your body swayed unceremoniously. You felt...wrong. Too wrong. Like you were choking on air.

"Hey! Focus!"

Another choke left Kylo's strained lips: red blood trickling down his chin, staining the bandages covering him with harsh crimson. You pulled back the covers, getting a look at his webbed fingers. Fuck, what were you looking for? Discolouration? What colour were they supposed to be?

"I...I don't know, Finn. They look less..." _less him. Less alive._ "Less bright. His lips though...Finn, his lips are turning blue".

The other end of the phone dropped to silence.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, I'm...I'm here. I'll be there in like...a minute".

You couldn't breathe. Kylo's eyes fluttered open, but they were glassy - unfocused. They rolled back into his head, searching at nothing. Seeing nothing. Just...there.

"Will he die?"

Finn didn't say anything.

"Finn. _Is he going to die?_ "

"I...don't know. If he were human...maybe. Maybe. I'm not a fucking doctor - I do coastguard training in the winter but...it's not sophisticated. At this point, though..."

_Prepare for the worst._

No. No, no, no. This wasn't supposed to happen. You just got him back. It couldn't _end_ like this. Love stories didn't _end_ like this: someone always vanquished the insurmountable, in the end. The lovers always won, somehow. Or at the very least; the defeat was momentary. It was a fleeting thing, before the heroes vanquished their foes. You kept repeating that thought over and over in your head, pushing the red button on your crummy mobile and gently pressing your lips to Kylo's burning cheek. Reflexively, his tail twisted in the sheets; tangling on his fin as he shuddered, muscles rippling. He was all wrong: his beautiful tail pulsing in a sickly way that made your heart ache. 

You had never been so afraid in all your life.

The sound of the front door almost bursting off of its hinges filled the room; the crash making you jump for dear life, your hands either side of Kylo in a reflexive and pitiful attempt to protect him. It was such a strange thing: the way your mind sought to shield him. From everything, anything. From this sickness in his blood.

Finn's eyes were wild as he took in the scene; took in the sheer amount of blood covering the sheets. Took in the bandages you'd changed, over and over; so many bandages in the last fifteen minutes. So much life drained from the man you loved. Your whole body trembled with emotion; tears welling up again, stinging at the corners.

He said nothing, but Finn moved to the side of the bed, movements strange and analytical. He ran the back of his hand over Kylo's forehead; then he pushed at the bandages. Your face had drained of colour long ago. A soft breeze might as well carry you away.

"Tell me" you swallowed thickly; the lump in your throat not budging.

He shook his head; brown eyes low.

_"Tell me!"_

Finn sucked his teeth, grabbing the glass of water from the beside table. He parted Kylo's lips, holding his head as he gently ferried the water into his mouth. Kylo sputtered; blood running in pink rivulets down the crevices in his chest. Across the rippling muscles of his torso; like rivers through the valley. 

"It's sceptic shock. The infection...he's...got bacteria in his bloodstream. Like Misses Wilks did when she had that problem with her kidneys and she..."

_And she died._

It's then that your stomach turns: the waste paper basket you were using for bandages being thrown into chaos as you wretch, vomiting up the contents of your stomach like nothing else. You shook and shook, desperate to have this be a dream. You regretted everything: regretted all of this. Regretted that he was dying, dying here, miles from his family and his life and everything else.

Dying because of you.

Your whole body spasmed as another round left your lips; choking you as you grabbed the mark on your neck and dug your fingers into it. But it didn't feel like anything - didn't feel like the rush of comfort you felt when Kylo bit into it, when he kissed it. He felt further away than he ever had - even though he rested just out of your reach; rasping breaths and muttering, blood dripping to his chin.

So maybe that's the story, then. Maybe that's the real story.

Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a merman.  He saved her from drowning; but they both drowned regardless. They were pulled down into the depths; the tide battering them both as they scrambled to be free of it. The world had told them, time and time again: everything ends. But they hadn't listened. They never did.

And you, helpless as you were: you'd never listen to that version of the story. That would never be your ending.

You would never accept it; even if it were true.

"If you need a moment..." Finn whispered; gaze meeting yours sadly as you moved a shaky hand to take the glass of water from his own. You could see a little smear of blood on the rim from Kylo's lips; but that didn't matter. You washed down everything; washing away the bitter taste in your mouth as you let it all fill you. Good. Let the storm burn in your blood.

You still had one shot left. One shot in the dark; one moment of madness.

"If I asked you to stay here with him" you swallowed, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand "could you do that?"

Finn's eyes widened.

"What? But...But where the hell are you-"

"-This'll sound insane, Finn. It sounds insane even to me. But he...he was able to change, somehow. He said someone helped him. Gave him clothes, told him what he had to do. I don't understand the world he comes from; but there's magic in this, Finn." You gestured to the silver filigree at your neck, tracing the outline at your collarbone. "There's something old and powerful and crazy in this. And maybe I'll never find it, and he'll die here anyway. But...something's telling me I've got to _go. I've got to fight for this"._

_"Let's make it count, shall we?"_

_"I am yours. From now, from this moment - until you banish me away, or one of us dies"._

_"I'll find a way" you whispered, lashes fluttering in the dawn light "I will. I swear. I love you too much not to"._

"You're sure?" Finn asked; huffing a breath that seemed clouded with protest. But you could only nod; only nod to Finn as you moved to the side of the bed, placing gentle fingers to Kylo's soft cheek. Even with his lips crackled as they were, you leaned in - placing a gentle kiss on the dry skin of his mouth. It tasted of copper and seawater and Kylo, your body shuddering as you took him in. Trailing your mouth to his shoulder, your sharp teeth sunk into the silver flesh; and everything seemed to stop, momentarily. His erratic movements slowed: his figetting, rasping breaths evened out. Your heart tugged with the feeling of levity, the feeling of home. Yours. Just yours. You didn't need to say the words out loud - they were known by him from the moment he'd claimed you as his. From the moment you'd bitten into his skin.

_Forever._

Pulling away reluctantly, you flashed a sad smile at Finn.

"Thank you, Finn. For everything".

And then, shoving on your crappy shoes; you headed out into the dawn.

* * *

 

_"You really should just give her a chance"._

_No. He shouldn't have to give her a fucking chance. He didn't come all this way - didn't put in all of this work - just to give some girl from backwater nowhere with fifty million bucks in her pocket a chance. That wasn't who he was; some chew toy for his mother's upper-class friends to pass around, sucking up to their lives to get some form of recognition. If fancy cruises and sham marriages were all he had to look forward to - he wanted out._

_"Why?"  
_

_Leia licked her lips, grey curls spilling from her bun. "Rey's a nice girl, Ben. She's got-"_

_"She's loaded" Ben scoffed, leaning against the back of the sofa. Water sloshed about on the porthole; making him feel queasy in his stomach. "That's it. Don't pretend that's not it."_

_His mother gritted her teeth; huffing a sigh as she threw her hands down on the marble countertop._

_"I'm doing what's best for you, Ben. You think I didn't love your father? He grew up on the street! He had a criminal record! Is it so wrong for me to want better for you than that? For me to want you to find someone to solidify your security?"_

_Ben felt a pout forming at the corners of his lips; running a hand through his shaggy hair. No; he wasn't going to buy this stupid fucking rant from her. His eyes darted to the oil painting on the wall - a beautiful mosaic of colour, depicting the hull of the ship. 'Respice Finem' - a tasteless nothing name from a dead language, pasted on the side of a bland but beautiful ship. Figures._

_"I don't need that from you. I don't need this...this life from you."_

_"I know you get seasick-"_

_"-Are you hearing yourself? This isn't about that! I haven't been seasick since I was fifteen! But this?" he gestured with his arms, opening them widely to sweep around the room. "It's a gilded prison. I hate these fucking cruises. I hate the fucking ocean. I hate these people, and this place, and those little glasses of seventy-dollar champagne. I hate Commerce, I hate the fact I'll never get to choose a fucking thing about my life. And I want out"._

_Leia made a face that was difficult to read; wrinkles twisting around her eyes. For a second, a pang of guilt hit Ben's chest - but it evaporated like rainfall on the pavement. She needed to hear this. She'd never let him go if he didn't say it._

_"When we dock on Sunday" she muttered, eyes down "we'll sort something out. I can call your father, we can...we can transfer you"._

_Ben didn't say much else; but relief flooded him as she left. Outside, clouds dotted the horizon: the night's sky flickering with raindrops as the waves bobbed against the hull._

_"If I ever see this ocean again" Ben muttered to himself "it'll be too fucking soon"._

* * *

 

The storm sent waves crashing against the rocky cliffs as you scrambled over boulders: sand sticking to your laces and drying on your shins. Even as dawn peaked the horizon, the sky was dark enough that your eyes could hardly adjust to the silhouettes of caves nearby. You were aching, burning, paralyzed with fear. Sharp and dull: blades and fists. A powerful cocktail in your blood that drove you, pushed you onward to a destination you scarcely knew. But somewhere in you, somewhere in him: it had to be there. 

Through that bond you shared; for however long that may be.

A huge wave crashed to the shoreline; drenching your shorts as you struggled into the mouth of a nearby cave. People seldom tread this far down the shoreline - for this reason alone. Waves constantly battered the entrances, filling them with a thin sheen of water, tidal pools untouched by human footprints.

Something in them felt...strange. Off. But something pulled you deeper, trudging through the watery muck as your eyes adjusted to the cold light. Fumbling with shaking hands, you fished your phone from your back pocket - clicking on the torch to guide you deeper in your search. Somehow, though: it wouldn't function. The light flickering on, then dying in a weak attempt. The walls were covered with algae, barnacles and muscles lining the surfaces that were lapped by waves. They seemed to twist forever; twisting on and on, until the entrance was hardly visible, and the water rose to lick at your calves.

A movement caught in your periphery: your eyes adjusting to the darkness.

"Hello?" you called, your voice trembling on the question. From exhaustion or fear; you couldn't quite tell.

Did it matter, now?

The shape shifted: moving in a way that made your hair stand on end. Something inhuman; something cold. Like reaching through a crack in the ice. A lone figure, silhouetted by the grey light of the dawn. A woman, you supposed: or something alike a woman. Her hair was long, tangling down her back. Cold, silver eyes - some sort of robes draped across her person that were caked in mud. An eerie beauty - inhuman, scarred - standing in the shadows. Lingering on the precipice.

The precipice of something you didn't understand.

"A-are you...can you help me?" you stuttered; not even knowing what you were asking for. _Please_. Please help me.

_"No"._

Her voice was melodic: more beautiful than anything else. The sound of the ocean, or the quiet patter of rainfall.

 _"Please"_ you begged, tears threatening the corners of your eyes "please, you have to help him. Kylo, he's-"

_"-Dying. He's dying"._

You paused, your mouth opening and closing, heart racing in your ears as tears dripped across your cheekbones.

 _"You don't know how often I think about you, when you're not here"_ the woman sighed: but your hands gripped into fists. That wasn't her voice. That was...it was...Kylo's voice, his human voice, the voice you fell in love with.

"How are you doing th-"

_"I couldn't save him. I don't want to save him. You shouldn't, either"._

You couldn't breathe. Her head tilted to the side slightly, a thin smile forming at her features.

_"What would you give, to save yourself from death? If you knew death was certain. If you knew I would crush the life from you in a moment - drag you to the depths and take your body, take your life. What would you sell to save yourself? Would you give me your most prized possession? All the wealth you could own? Your family's name, perhaps. Perhaps you might give me your dreams. They offer those; they all do. When I come to collect them; they offer me everything."_

It was all so confusing: but the mark on your shoulder suddenly twisted with pain. You cried out; falling to your knees as you splashed in the water. Your lungs burned, body trembling as the waves lapped at your hips, licking at the skin of your stomach. The woman moved across the water as though it were solid ground, her robes trailing behind her as she made her way towards you.

_"I never accept those things. They can be bought by anyone - a dream can be sold and traded. Names are like currencies that float on the tide. I demand more from them than that. And most - most would rather choke on me, choke as I free them. The brave and kind, the good and the charitable - they won't accept it. But I always offer. And I'll offer you the same thing I offered him - though I already know what you'll say. The future and the past are the same thing, to the rushing tide."_

"I'll-" you gasped, trembling as you dry-heaved, skin burning. "Anything. I'll give you anything".

She does laugh, then: and it's cold. It's dry and cold and bitter and knowing. 

 _"Yes"_ she breathes; unfurling her palm and holding it out to you, offering you what cannot be bought. Studying you with unmatched intensity. _"I think you will"._

* * *

_He was never so afraid than in that moment._

_He'd managed to get free of the crushing metal, the boat sinking to the depths as it pulled everything with it. Even as he thrashed against the tide, thrashed against the pull of the ocean - he could feel the way the ship careened towards the sea floor, the way the path that followed it sucked everything back to the starboard side. Aeration, he'd read once. It's the path that keeps you from getting away._

_The sky was inky black; and he could hardly feel his legs now. Hardly make sense of it. He was drowning: seconds before the lights would go out. Before it took him, took him into the nothing._

_Everyone on that ship...all of them...dead, dying, sucking on seawater in the middle of the ocean._

_"Soon it'll be Ben Solo. And from there - it'll be whatever I want it to be"._

_He kicked and kicked; but his lungs were burning. Desperate for a breath. Desperate, even as he felt his boot hit the sludge of the sea floor. Hundreds of meters from the surface. Too far, too late..._

_Please. I don't want to die. Please, please don't let me die._

_"And what would you give, to never have to die? To live forever? What price would you pay?" the voice careened around him; formless, silent. Time was nothing - he was drifting through the darkened ocean. He weighed nothing, felt nothing._

_Anything. I'd give anything._

_"Your soul. This life. These memories. I want everything from you, Ben. Everything you have. If you give me that; I can give you eternity. Time. New memories. As good as those before them. Better. Let me buy the one thing your mother could never have had the money to"._

_The weight of it all was crushing. Burning._

_Yes. You can have that. Just...save me. Please._

_"Good"._

_And then; Benjamin Organa choked on seawater._

_Kylo took a deep breath in._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I used to list this as "porn with plot?"...Yeah, I think this might be "plot with porn" now. Whoops. I sort of knew where I was heading with this when I started writing it but had assumed this chapter would come MUCH earlier, but because everyone was enjoying it I slowed the pace WAY DOWN. 
> 
> Please don't be sad! 
> 
> ALSO: FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS I'LL BE TAKING QUESTIONS, DRABBLE REQUESTS AND PROMPTS AROUND PLT + KYLO! CHECK THAT OUT OVER ON TUMBLR [HERE!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/post/179312060907/qa-and-headcannony-things)  
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	10. Crawling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is freedom without the chance to seize a life you love?  
> Does it mean anything without her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME BACK! AAAAAAAAAH! IVE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Starlight.

He felt it in the gravity beneath him: singing out in his blood. The sky stretched up, up into a symphony of pinpricks in the tapestry of darkness - below him, he felt the pull of the tide as it washed over his back. Just shallow enough that it allowed him to feel hard scratches in the advent of sand as he floated. His tail drifted in the laps of the sea, inky black and crimson against the rising dark.

There was something...some soft tug at the corners of his mind. Wrapping around his wrists and coaxing him out, out of the water. To reach upward to the sky. His body was so weightless that he felt as though he could do it, if he tried - he could just bring himself to stand, to taste the air against his gills. Feel it moving through him, letting the scales on his ankles fall away in the bitter chill of it.

_"Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben..."_

That was his name, once. He thought so, at least. It rattled through his chest; baring down on him with gritted teeth. Even as he tried to find his footing: he felt another name. More curious: quieter. A familiar voice, whispering in a gentle reverie.

" _Kylo."_

Kylo.

The sound of waves meeting rocks on the shoreline. He would often hear it in the long nights, drifting in the endless black. Ky-lo. He supposed his mother had named him: but now he isn't so sure. His memories slip in a vast and distant ocean, too complex to understand. He remembers waking from a distant dream of humanity, back against a slab of coral. Black hair had trailed around him like an inky pool as he lifted his eyes up, up towards the sunlight that permeated the waves.

He had furrowed his brow, letting his gills sip in oxygen.

Where...was he?

And something of a dream from another life had replied to him, deep in thought:

_"Don't forget. Please don't forget."_

But it was worthless. Those words meant nothing for him; he discarded them away. He knew that now: as he felt two worlds colliding in his mind. He had chosen to forget.

He was dying all over again.

_No._

This wouldn't be his end: not in this moment, nor any other. Not while he had something to fight for, something to live for. His webbed fingers stroked at the shallow pools, forcing himself up, forcing his mind to snap back into his physical body. He could feel himself growing heavier; the weightlessness he felt dropping away as his tail felt as though it were made of iron. But he didn't stop - couldn't stop. His body ached, his heart in his throat: the sky churning, his mind racing as he--

Took a deep breath.

His eyelids fluttered open wildly, twisting as his hands reached up to claw to life. Finn let out a scream: this curdling cry that sent Kylo's ears ringing as they took him in. Finn's whole body was braced against the dresser, his hands splayed out as he clutched the wooden handles for dear life.

"Finn, it's-" Kylo sputtered. His hands grasped his throat, and he suddenly realised it: Neptune, he could speak. Utterly unhindered. Oh god, was he...

"WHAT. THE. FUCK?!"

"I'm..."

"YOU WERE DEAD. I CHECKED YOUR PULSE. YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD, MAN! I WATCHED YOU DIE! YOU'VE BEEN DEAD FOR AN HOUR!"

Kylo couldn't comprehend any of this; he just _couldn't_. His eyes trailed from the sea-blue walls to the posters, down to the bandages that covered his body. They now drooped limply about his form: but Neptune, the _blood_. It was covering every surface, every white cloth. Every part of the bedspread was saturated in crimson - but not Kylo. Not even his...

His...

His _legs_.

Legs. It wasn't possible. None of this was possible. He couldn't have his legs back like this: not without intense magic, dark and powerful and heady. He wiggled his toes experimentally - they moved independently, muscles curling in and out. He felt like he was going to pass out. How was this happening?

And not only that, but he remembered... _everything_. Every coil of time that wound around him, bringing forth understanding he had lost. Words for human objects, names for things that filled the room. That assault on his senses was worse than anything: his memories had become incompatible with a reality he'd been living for years. What does it mean to live a life by one truth, and then find another that destroys it? Kylo wasn't sure he had wanted to find out - but he was forced to.

"What did you do?" Kylo whispered. His voice was harrowed: full of emotion he couldn't quite describe. That endless starlight was wound in his throat: pinching his vocal chords that were unfamiliar with this strength in them, this oxygen. It crackled as he sat up, grasping his pulse point and seeking an answer he knew he could never find here.

Finn ran a shaky hand through his dark hair, splaying it on his forehead as he sought out breath.

"What do you mean 'what did I do'?! Holy shit...This is _not_ happening...Where the Hell did your..."

"I...I don't know. _I don't know._ " He bit his lip as it trembled under his teeth, hyperaware of far too much, far fast.

Television. Sink. Mirror. Hands. Feet. Legs. Dead. He was _dead_. Bed. Sofa. Laptop. Blood. Lots of it. Oh Neptune--no, wait, did he mean God? Did he mean Christ? Did it matter? Dead. He had been fucking DEAD-

The whole room swayed as he tried to move to swing his legs over the bed; expecting the weight of his tail to help guide him to the floor. When he didn't find it, he felt his skull collide with the headboard and throb bitterly. One of the slats dug into his shoulderblade and he swore from the sting of pain, the sting of tender skin hitting immovable slats.

His mark.

Oh fuck.

He reached a hand up, snaking up to trace the warm indentations of a pattern there. But it wasn't...wasn't...

"No" Kylo breathed, hitching on a sob. "No, no no no...This..."

Finn stumbled to his feet, grabbing the windowsil for support as he made his way to the bed on wobbly feet. He looked worse than Kylo felt - which is to say, fucking _dreadful_.

"She went looking for something" Finn swallowed "t-to help you or...I don't know, I don't know...Oh fuck, this is so crazy...She left and whatever she must've done worked because you're-"

_Alive._

Kylo felt his heart drop. Of course she'd succeeded - of course she had. She was guided by an instinct he'd given her when he'd claimed her for his, an instinct that had been given to him the day he'd drowned in the deep dark. Like the tide peeling back from the shore, the ocean would have guided her to the place it guides them all. Back to its maw. To the source of all nearby magic. The darkness beneath the cliffs.

"Now I need you to start talking."

Kylo looked up to see Finn staring at him, brown eyes harsh in their intensity. His eyes looked so close to spilling over that Kylo could tell it'd happen at any given moment - any second.

"Who the Hell are you, and what the fuck did you do to her?"

Kylo sucked at his teeth, scouting the room for anything he could pull on. Any clothes he might be able to fit into. Neptune to the whole damned thing, he'd run down there stark naked if he had to.

"I'm..." he began. "My name is..."

_Benjamin Organa._

_Kylo._

_Ben Solo._

_I don't know anymore._

"...I was Ben. Before."

Finn looked at him like that didn't make a god damn cent of difference - and Kylo knows it didn't. That's not an answer. Not a good one, anyway.

Kylo spotted what looked like something familiar - a pile of clothes tucked neatly on top of the dresser. Jeans. A teal blue t-shirt. Brown boots.

He had to hold his stomach suddenly as the nausea kicked in: he stumbled, naked, to put his hand out to brace himself on the wall. His legs were creaking and bowing like branches caught in a rip tide; not used to holding his weight in such a fragile way. It wasn't like riding a bike, it turned out. Being human didn't come naturally to him when he didn't have the time to pace himself. It was miserable and difficult.

Looking at those clothes though: he had remembered. They had been the clothes he had worn the night she took him to the fairground. The clothes the sea witch had given him. The clothes he'd left in her truck.

He'd been in those clothes for good reason.

H _e kicked and kicked; but his lungs were burning. Desperate for a breath. Desperate, even as he felt his boot hit the sludge of the sea floor. Hundreds of meters from the surface. Too far, too late..._

Those boots. Those same boots. Those same clothes.

Almost as though it's a mockery. 

"I'm trying to figure this out: you're an immortal merman who can turn into a normal guy?"

Kylo didn't look up as he ambled to the dresser, feet tingling as he tried to shuffle into his clothes. His hands on the zipper wouldn't function right: too used to the webbing that clad them. But he worked on it, worked until it finally let him zip it up. Then he pulled on his shirt, huffing with the panic that tingled at his veins. He had to go, _now._ Had to.

"Not immortal. Can't..." Kylo chewed the inside of his cheek, pushing his boots onto his feet. Having feet was fucking terrifying: he didn't know whether he could even...whether they'd work now. How he could properly use them. That night, the night he'd had with her - he'd been influenced by magics. Now, all he had was muscle memory. "...I drowned. Someone saved me. I don't...Shouldn't be able to...Be like this. Here. Human. Something isn't _right_."

But Kylo knows what Finn is asking.

Where is she?

Where is his best friend?

Where is the love of Kylo's life?

And will it all matter anyway if Kylo can't...isn't...

No. He decided not to think on it. He laced up the second boot and stood on clumsy feet, looking back at Finn with softness in his brown gaze.

"I'm so sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry you were involved in this. You're...You've been a good friend to her. And I'm going to bring her back for you. Whatever it takes."

Finn didn't look convinced. He looked confused, shocked, miserable - and in that moment, Kylo had never felt the weight of his choices more. He felt like he was back on that boat; back there as he broke his mother's heart. He had chosen, every time, paths that had lead him to the _wrong_ conclusion. Hurt _everyone_.

Maybe he should've stayed dead.

Finn swallowed, nodding slowly.

"If she ends up hurt" Finn breathed, shuffling. "If you've...You've killed her..."

Kylo didn't hesitate.

"I know."

And Kylo didn't really know how to walk: not really. His legs bowed under his weight as he tripped and ran through paths and cottages, over dirt and on sand. His knees grew bloodied and his jeans ripped.

Kylo didn't know how to walk - so he chose to _run_.

* * *

 

She stood on the shoreline, facing the thrashing sea.

The storm had let seawater spill through the cavern as he approached her: her back was turned to him, her hair splayed across her shoulders. He had never seen the dress before - was it silk? It flowed around her like spilling foam of white and cream, whipped by the breeze and the tide. She gazed to the horizon, and beyond it still - beyond to where the grey clouds parted for a brief moment, sunlight kissing the waves in all the ways he would've chosen to kiss _her_. 

"Sweetheart" he breathed. His whole body shook just seeing her, seeing the way she was very much alive. So near to him; here and real and alive. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe it would-

But her mark. Silver filigree danced at her shoulder in a way that made his very soul ache and throb. 

He had nothing. Nothing there.

She shouldn't either.

She turned to look at him; hair whipping over her shoulders in the most beautiful way. An eerie calm drifted from her focus to scan his face: her eyes glowing. Liquid silver.

Oh.

"Benjamin. Hello again."

Kylo's full lips trembled.

"Where is she?"

His pretty little thing - his mate - was somewhere else entirely. This creature, thing thing had her form, her face. Her voice. But it was almost as though a memory had been imprinted on the stone, imprinted in the sand. A perfect copy, made to look ethereal. To trick him, perhaps. 

The creature laughs: and Kylo feels himself despair, for a moment. It's her laugh - the laugh he has grown to love so desperately. Twisted and formed into something inhuman.

"Does it matter, Benjamin? Does it matter to you now? You have what you always wanted. The chance you never knew you could get."

"You think I care about any of that?! WHERE IS SHE?!"

"You know I can't kill her. You better than anyone know a dead human is worthless to me. But she and I have a deal, now. Written in ink and blood. And so, you are free."

She was still in there. Still in there somewhere - Kylo knew it. He raced to her, cupping her cheeks in his hands so hard that they hurt. Her lips puckered at the contact, and he had to fight the urge, even now, to lean in and kiss them until the world stopped turning.

"You're in there somewhere" he whispered, urgency creeping in his tone. "Come back to me, beautiful. Please. Come back to me."

Her hand reached up, slender fingers on his wrist as she huffed a breath.

"We can try this any way you want, Benjamin. The answer will always be the same."

Ben - no, wait, _Kylo_ \- gritted his teeth, anger jolting through his blood.

"What is it you want from me?! From us?! You took...everything from me!"

The sea witch pushed his palms down, stepping out of his hold. He felt himself swaying on the spot: hoping, praying that the sea might carry him away. Back into the current, back below the waves. Where there was safety in this, in his innocence and lack of knowledge and a love that burned against his skin. He wanted all of it, wanted beyond wanting for the one thing he'd run from - the ocean.

Irony was plain to him: bare-faced and writhing as she walked out into the waves. Knee deep, they lapped at the fabric of her dress.

"I did you a favour. Twice now you have died: twice now I have given you your life back. Do you know what most people would do for that chance?"

Kylo felt his palms shaking: tears stinging at the corners of his eyes as he palmed his frayed jeans. Seawater washed over his boots, sludgy against his bare feet as he scanned her features.

"There isn't...anything" he breathed "any...purpose. Any point to it. Not without love."

_Not without her._

"Perhaps there could be" she said. Her hair whipped about her in the frolicking winds; eyes like sea-glass. "You could walk away now. Walk away and never come back. Take your name and your memories with you, and know you cheated death. Find your father in his Brookyln apartment. Tell him stories of a life long passed by, forgotten under the weight of a soul you had lost. You could sail your mother's legacy, her money, and know they are all safe here. That the ocean will keep it all safe from your grasp. And the years can pass by, slipping away, and sooner or later you might just forget. Find another, beautiful girl. Marry on a clifftop. Die, old and surrounded by those you love in your bed."

Kylo felt a stirring in his chest, biting down on his lip.

"I could. I could."

She laughed bitterly; the spirit of the sea echoing from the stony walls.

"But we both know _you won't."_

Kylo let himself acknowledge that, for a moment. Let himself realise, somehow, that this wasn't going to end with him walking out of this cave, on these feet, without her. The life that Ben had imagined, the boat docking and him walking back to his father - he had to let go of it. Grieve for it and bury it. Turn his back on it.

Because there are moments. There are spreads of infinity. Spreads of starlight. In those moments, you can dare to dream of anything - you can dare to be anyone. And you can hold those things to you until your bones break under the weight of them if you want to: hold to them like a bastion, like a creaking, sinking ship in the dark depths of the ocean. But what are those things without purpose? Without love?

What is freedom without connection? What is rebellion without empathy? What is a second chance without a reason? If theories of time hold to truth, there is a Ben somewhere in an infinite universe who has the answers to those questions. Some timeline, somewhere, where Ben Solo lived and breathed the oxygen of a new life. There is a story being written by his hand about what it all means without her.

But for Kylo: there was only the place his webbed fingers meet hers. Only soft afternoons in the sun, and quiet picnics on the sand. There was only the press of her lips on the silver of his neck; the gentle want of her hands as they roamed the pitch black of his hair.

This was the only spread of infinity he would accept.

"Then why am I human?" he choked out. "If you already knew I'd never choose to leave her - why would you give me this body back?"

She gave a half-smile; soft and sad.

"You had to get down here somehow."

Kylo's eyes widened.

"What-"

And then he screamed: collapsing into the foam as his legs kicked out from underneath him. Pain radiated upward through his body as his legs started burning in his jeans, his lungs choking on the shallow seawater as he fought to keep his head above the waves.

Her bare feet came to rest just next to his face as she crouched in the waves, silk dress lapping at the tide. Her eyes taking him in as he thrashed. Fuck, god, oh _please_ \- it hurt like nothing else. His bones felt as though they were moving under the weight of a thousand suns. If he felt as though the last time hurt, that was nothing - it was _nothing_.

Her soft hands reached out to cup his chin as his eyes rolled back; straining to hold fast to consciousness as his boots kicked against soft sand under the water.

"I am not a monster, Ben. The sea is not your enemy. The ocean can be cruel: but it can be kind. At night, the sound has lulled millions to a peaceful sleep. I have guided those who ask for it peacefully into the night - I have given you life where you would otherwise perish forever. She begged me to save your life - and I did, Ben. I did it. I could have said no: could've turned her away and let your corpse fester on that little bed."

Kylo felt his hands were about to break: felt as though his bones would snap in twain as he sobbed, salt water in his nose and eyes.

"You forget: I can feel her. Feel what she feels for you. Her body is fragile, her skin is like paper - but she loves you, Ben. Loves you in a way the ocean never could. There is more love for you in a drop of her blood than some will ever hold in their whole body. And it is because of that, Benjamin Organa, that I found despite this deal being struck: I cannot take her. I cannot keep you, either." 

The sea-witch's silver eyes looked out to the horizon, kneeling in the water as Kylo grasped for the hem of her dress. He was on fire, burning bright: the storm bringing deeper waves, threading salt into his hair. He could feel his neck twitching, the way gills tried to poke through the thin skin of it.

"You have done something absurd. Something impossible. You have shared your soul with another. When it wasn't yours to share." Her voice was distant: echoing despite the cave being just behind her. "And so her soul is yours. And your soul is mine. And there is nothing to be done for it, Ben. I cannot harm either of you. I cannot destroy you. I cannot destroy her. But I cannot let you both go, either: the ocean must have you. Must have you both. To whatever end."

She turned away from him, back towards the cave; his pretty little thing. Walking on the balls of her feet, moving like the ocean, controlled by this otherworldly force. The sea witch, the ocean, Neptune himself - maybe that was who Kylo had been pushing back against all these years. But there she stood, clad in white: the ocean licking at her ankles as Kylo dug shaking hands into the sand.

"Goodbye, Kylo. You have until the sun sets: and then, you can both have that 'spread of infinity'. Find it in my arms: and start your life together. I will be watching."

And then; his beautiful mate collapsed onto the sand.

And everything changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've missed this story so much. I don't even know where to start. Just over four months! I'm so sorry. This story is something of a great love for me: I needed to be ready.
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	11. Changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Love of mine,  
> someday you will die,  
> But I'll be close behind,  
> And I'll follow you into the dark.  
> No blinding light,  
> Or tunnels to gates of white,  
> Just our hands clasped so tight,  
> Waiting for the hint of a spark."
> 
> \- I Will Follow You Until The Dark (Death Cab For Cutie)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So; here we are.  
> For a long time, I've been wondering how I wanted to close this series. How did I want this to go? Where did I want to draw a conclusion? 
> 
> I needed it to mean something.
> 
> I don't want to drag this series out to its death. Too many works try to drag out an ending until the story dies a slow death, and I don't want that with this. I want this to come full circle. So this will be the last chapter before the epilogue.
> 
> I hope you feel this gives the series something to hold to.

Once upon a time: there was a man, stuck between two worlds.

He crawled the line they tread in endless drags of his body. The waves lapped at his knees through torn fabrics of his jeans as little scales dotted on his ankles. The horizon licked at an endless line behind him as he pushed forwards; battering against the sand like sea salt on the hull of those ships. And he loved and loved and loved, endless as the deepest trenches, darker than the darkest depths. 

If he had ever wanted anything else: it was lost beneath the pull of the tide. It fell away, swallowed up.

He only needed this.

Wet sand glued to the white fabric of her dress as her hair floated in the water, splaying around her like it was reaching for the shore. In the shallow mouth of the cave; Kylo's sensitive fingers moved to grip her ankle. Grip it as though it were his anchor - his lifeline.

It was. It always had been.

And as his nails dug into the soft skin of her leg: she gasped and shook.

_Alive._

Her eyes widened as she shot upward: sitting in the shallow waters as she panted and kicked. Everything drenched by the tide - her white dress nearly see-through in the wake of such kisses from the seawater. Alive. Oh Neptune, thank you. Thank you. 

Alive.

"Kylo" she breathed, trembling in her skin. "Oh, Kylo. You're..."

And he didn't hestitate; not even for a moment as he laughed and pulled her close. He knelt next to her, huge chest dwarfing hers as he pushed her in to his grip. For now at least; the tide had ceased calling his name. He was human as he could be, save for some crude scales sprouted at his hip and his ankle. And she sobbed against him, sobbed into the shirt he had drowned in all those years ago. Letting her tears mix with the salt in the fabric that had suffocated him like a prison.

Another wave beat down, licking at their hips and foaming at their chests. But neither of them gave it a moment's notice: not a second thought.

"I love you" Kylo sobbed; sobbed against her hair as he mouthed the phrase into her scalp. "You saved me, my sweetest heart. My beautiful mate. You were so brave. I am...I am so, so proud of you."

Her hands ran across the plains of his shirt, appraising every muscle as it jumped at her ministrations. Not from some primal desire, nor from a desperate curiosity: but from a simple thought. A simple reverence that they both were here; alive and saved. Loved and loving. The moments in between reflecting back between them as she sought out signs of life from him.

"I couldn't just let you go. I couldn't."

"I know. Nor I."

She chewed her lip in thought as she shuffled, moving to kneel opposite him. The soft grey light of the sky called out as seagulls cawed overhead; circling the clifftops in earnest.

"I saw it. Everything. Ben-"

"No."

Her lips parted at that; soft eyes fluttering as a hopefulness filtered to her features. He suspected she had wanted this answer - to know he is still the same man she fell in love with. To know these revelations that crash through them both are not a knife in his back.

"No?" she asked; reaching a delicate hand up to brush wet hair from his jaw. Now freed from the water, he felt it drying in the breeze: too quickly again to let him believe he was human.

And as he noticed it, he watched the liquid drip down her shoulders from her own locks; now frizzing from the salt air and drifting in the wind.

Oh, how his heart skipped at the promise of such a thing.

He swallowed thickly, letting it crack in his throat.

"Maybe we're all many people in our lives" he started, chewing his cheek. He shook his head. "Maybe Ben Solo was me in another life. Or maybe...fuck, I don't know. Maybe he's still a part of me, somewhere. I feel him now in my mind, and I thought...I thought I might feel like I was being split in two by him. Or him by me. But then...then I saw you. Right behind my eyes. The way you held my hand on the beach the first time we met, with that softness in your gaze as you took me in."

Her hands traced the delicate outline of where his mark ought to be, cool water on her fingertips as he bit back a moan against her touch. Wishing it hadn't melted away with his passing.

"Do you even know? Can I ever explain it to you? You say you saw me. Saw everything. My past in a vision - you would've seen him there. He used to look out at the ocean at night, watch the way the stars reflected on the surface - and he'd feel _nothing_. I remember it now as though it's happening all over again...as though I'm watching it all through new eyes. Beautiful people would touch him, hold him, tell him they loved him and give him everything. He had whatever he wanted. He could fuck the most beautiful women, the richest women - and he did. All of it. Everything."

Kylo felt his heart stutter.

"He would have held your hands-" he said, slowly reaching calloused fingers down to cup hers "-and he would have seen that starlight and still felt nothing. He would've looked at your face and just...moved onwards. Through time, through the nothingness. And it was his choice; it wasn't some providence. It wasn't some fate that made him predisposed to it: he was cynical and cold and he took and took. Used people. And I know he isn't me, because...because love, I feel _everything_.  Every wave that licks the shore, every beat of your heart. I feel every word you've ever said, like it etches to my skin and holds me there. Trapped under it. I feel the nights I spent aching and alone, drifting through the water and touching my lips with the webbing on my hand and waiting for you to enter my life. I feel the way you saved me, and it burns me so brightly with a good and honest love that I could die a thousand times and still wake to see the sun.

And my pretty little thing: I can never go back."

And if he could savour the look in her eyes forever, he wondered if he just might. His heart felt as though it were ignited by some otherworldly force as his hands thumbed hers; looking down at the spaces on their shoulders where the silver markings used to be. Sadness filtered through him: a wild thing as he saw her shoulder. Now devoid of anything that the sea witch had shown her to have, they both may well be strangers if not for the light in their hearts. 

Perhaps, though: this is a chance. 

A fresh start.

A new beginning.

"Kylo" she said quietly. "I don't quite know what to say. Or how to tell you...tell you just how much you mean to me."

Light filtered through to illuminate them both for a brief moment; kissing rays of light through the inky black of Kylo's hair. Evening was drawing closer - and everything would change.

He watched as his pretty little thing let her eyes drift out to the horizon: still kneeling beside him in the waist-deep water. He softly, slowly dipped to press his lips to her neck: cautious and loving, like sunlight rippling downward.

"Will I forget?" she whispered, shivering as his teeth nipped at her jaw.

Kylo breathed a ragged breath, following the curve of her jaw to the shell of her ear.

"No."

She nodded, moving her fingers to press to the nape of his neck. She tangled them in the dark locks there, carding through them softly.

"Will it hurt?"

Kylo grazed her earlobe.

"It will."

She nodded at that too; more cautiously.

He pulled back: brushing his nose against her cheek as he nuzzled into it.

"Is this..." he swallowed "...is this what you wanted? Will you feel peace in this choice?"

She laughed, then: cheeks flushing as she let her eyes flutter shut.

"To be like you" she hummed, biting her lip and letting a laugh filter through the cracks. "To live under the waves: to come to learn of magic and courts and see all the colours of the ocean. To be with someone I love more than anything else. To be a mermaid. What little girl didn't have this dream, when she was growing up?"

Kylo felt the smile pushing his dimples into his cheeks, creasing at his eyes as she scrunched at his hair with her hands. Her breath caught in her lungs as golden light seeped through the clouds, the sun beginning to bow to the horizon.

"I don't know if I mentioned" he shrugged. "I'm a Prince. Sort of."

His love snorted. "Shut up."

Kylo laughed, jerking backward and gasping in mock offense.

"I am! I swear it!"

"But you were human before! You weren't born a Prince!"

Kylo raised his brows, rolling his eyes with a smile. "Different laws that determine monarchy. You'll get the gist."

She went to speak, letting a static-like sound come out of her mouth as she stuttered in disbelief.

"So, hang on - am I a Princess? Is that...did I just double my winnings?"

"Well" Kylo licked his lips, feeling his face grow hot. "I'm...Uh...No, but it...There's a ceremony for...that. Thing. And you're my mate, so it's..." he huffed in frustration, running a wet hand through his hair. "Functionally, yes. Ceremonially, sort of but not quite. Socially..."

"I get it" she laughed. "More sex biting."

Kylo felt his entire face flush utterly coral red. Her eyes widened.

"Oh my god. You weren't joking."

"I...I...Look, it's..."

She burst into fits of laughter, musical and soft: sunset radiating through her hair in a halo of light. The clouds from the storm had passed as quickly as they had come - parting to let the gold spill across the line between the sky and the sea. And right at that moment, Kylo felt the telltale pull on his toes: the soreness in his joints and the ache in his neck. Calling him home.

He felt his love shudder as she withdrew her hands from his head, staring intently at her fingers as they twitched. He caught the faintest signs of webbing: silvery now in its earliest moments of forming. He cast his mind back to the dream he'd had the night they mated for the first time: her combing her hair, iridescent scales in the sunset.

He would have died for that, then and there.

And die he did.

"Will Finn be alright? Will Grandma...Will they know I'm safe?"

Kylo's heart ached in his chest; his full lips pressing upward into a loving smile.

"There is more magic in love than there is in all the oceans of the world" he says "and I can teach you how to use it to watch over them. To visit them. To let them know you're safe."

She took his hand in hers; and he felt his body shudder with intense pleasure. Her lips parted in a gasp at how sensitive her skin was: how his pulse lit up every fiber of her skin. Carefully, Kylo let the next wave bring him forwards, crawling them both to the deeper waves until their feet no longer skimmed the sand.

With careful caresses, he pulled off the clothes he drowned in all of those years ago and threw them to the tide, before helping her peel away the flowing white of her dress. Every ministration made her huff a breathy laugh and shiver in pleasure: and when their scraps left them both they were naked in the glittering gold of the sea. Awash with the light of the sunset, they held one another close: two figures treading water in the deep. Kylo felt his heart sing with absoluteness, with a wholeness that he had seldom known.

He hungrily pressed her body to his, his lips finding her in the mirror of the sea. They moaned in tandem a the perfect want, Kylo's tongue eclipsing hers as he pressed a slowly webbing hand to her neck. Feeling gills ripple to life in the wake of his touch, he grinned until the dimples in his cheeks hurt in tandem with the ache of their bodies.

He felt as though he might be that starlight: as though Ben was watching him now, staring out from that cruise ship in the dark.

"I love you" she rasped, her voice growing pitchy with the changing of her lungs. She beamed at the realisation; shifting fingers pressing to her lips as iridescent webbing formed between her fingertips.

Kylo felt his whole world shift on its axis. The last rays of the sun eclipsed them both as he held her tight; letting the waves wash them both towards the horizon.

"My world" he whispered. "My Pretty Little Thing."

And then; the ocean claimed them both.

Together at last.

 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This says the end but that's a teeeeeeenny lie because there is an Epilogue.
> 
> So I won't start gushing my goodbyes at you just yet.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr as [CallMeHopeless!](http://callmehopeless.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
